DeaL wIt iT

eurghhhh. (green, the colour of most envelopes!)

2005-11-04T13:13:00.000+08:00

i think i've got the hari raya hangover.. =(

tho i slept after 2, i was awoken by the ringing of the damn phone, at 10..wanted so badly to fall asleep again, but i had to drag myself out of bed for i suddenly remembered: my tuition teacher is coming!!
thus i hurried to the toilet to make myself look as awake as possible, hurried through my unfinished homework, and greeted her with a smile at 1040. of course, by then my homework was still unfinished.

what sickly feeling.i feel woozy, an overdose of a myriad of coloured drinks, syrups and fizzy ones..an overload of kuih tarts, makmurs, london almonds, chocolate chip cookies and those other kuihs; an excess of sambal goreng and lontongs and ketupats; and wayy to much of all those kerepeks and keropoks. i look unsightly and feel bloated..and sleepy..and FAT..(should be fatter, actually..looking at my current size.. lol) ohh this is dreadful.

but then again,

you can never get too much of the ka-ching. heheh.
sadly i've never gotten this little before! (haha.my bf only got $28!) bloody kak nur da kejer 2tahon tak tau kasi org duit pe! beli shampoo $20+ boleh uh! mintak org duit lagi ada. cis!
n some sedares blatantly 'forgot' about me de spite me salam-ing them TWICE. padahal during the first salam, she said "o ya, i haven't give both of u money eh.."pas tu aku tak dapat! hmmph!

oh well. i'm still waitng for my uncle pimp to give me $50. hopefully more, since he forgot my sweet 16th!

and that was the end of my one and only official day of celebrating aidilfitri. too bad. now i shall return to my books and mug.

and did i mention just how lovely my baju raya looks? L-O-V-E-L-Y la i tell you!

selemat hari raya and maaf zahir batin if i've mengumpat-ed or kutuk-ed you in ANY WAY ok?

ok.bye.

goodbye.

2005-10-25T17:59:00.000+08:00

deader than dead.

What I Love About Him

2005-09-24T19:45:00.000+08:00

Tuesday
18 September 2005

I love the way he kisses me, especially my hand
I love him 'cos he's short like me, he's also my best friend
I love the way he says he wants to be with me for life
I love the way he dreams of making me his future wife
I love him 'cos my sweetheart always tries to make me laugh
I love him cos he's always there for me when times get rough
I love it when he holds me, safely, warm and tight
I love it when he calls me up, just to say goodnight
I love it when he wipes my tears, every time i cry
I love him 'cos he seems so sure our love will never die
I love to cuddle up to him, 'cos it feels so nice and comfy
I love him 'cos he stays although at times i make him unhappy
I love him 'cos he's the sweetest boy I've ever had
I love him, and i thank God for every day we've shared
I love it when he sends me home just so that he could see me
I love him though he's quite annoying, his cuteness drives me crazy
I love it each and every time he tells me that he loves me
And I love him too, I hope he knows he'll always be my baby

Thank you, God the Almighty, for giving me that sudden inspiration on that Tuesday afternoon, letting those thoughts become a string of words that i can pen down,
And thank you God the Giver, for blessing me with someone who could love me as a brother, a friend, a lover, someone i can be comfortable talking to, about anything under the sun, for blessing me with someone whom i can casually say "fuck you, you bitch" in a joking manner without insulting him, and yet get serious with him and listen out to him when he's feelin down.

Despite his many holey underwears, his many trips to the toilet to shit whenever we're outside or on the phone (happens without fail, people.really.fattah's not as calm and cool as y'all think.hahah), his hilarious command of English, his usually-so-super-lame jokes, his obsession with keeping his hair short but not bald, his being late all the time, his no-double-eyelid but big eyes, his awful dance moves and laughter, his unsmackable flat butt;

i love him all the same.and will always do. =)

and don't anyone dare take this poem as yours, cos it's MINE!

temporary liberation. [15 and countin' (i hope)]

2005-09-24T17:29:00.000+08:00

finally. those stupid prelims ended. well obviously i screwed up most of em didn't i? if i didn't i wouldn't call it stupid would i? i'd be gloating my tits off for having breezed through it with no problems.

unfortunately. that was far from reality. (OUCH.)

but it's kinda cool to think you're the ONE AND ONLY to finish the prelims first, way before the others. there rest finish at least on monday. (okay so maybe i am gloating on this fact. too bad it doesn't help me much.or help me at all, in fact)

sadly, on the day before the day i was to end my prelims (to make it simple: THURSDAY) i went all emotional.in fact, i had a breakdown.i don't know why.it had nothing to do with the prelims of course.the last paper was only a multiple choice paper.

for some reason or another, i cried my eyeballs out while watching the OC and reading P.S I Love You during the ads. geez. and know why? well cos in that episode of OC (mind u, i don't watch tv often) the mom was alcoholic and well yeah, she had to go for counselling somewhere else and i thought it was sad.and i became afraid that it would happen to my own boyfriend.i became paranoid. and for those who haven't P.S I Love You by Cecelia Ahern, well go read it. such a wonderful book about moving on and loving the one you love even though they're gone..the true love. well sounds all so cliched and boring but hey, i cried reading it.hard. (or maybe its just bcos im a crybaby/but that's not the point.just read it.) yeah and after i read it, the guy (gerry) who died in the story reminded me so much of my boyfriend. no actually, the girl (holly his wife) reminded me of well, me.

what she misses most about gerry are his hugs, especially the way he holds his arms around him..and the way she could just fight with him, yet feel so very much in love with her husband. and how she can just cry and he'd listen and make her feel better all over again, all the time. and those are the very things that i love about my boyfriend too. and also the way he laces his hand through mine and kisses it. (:
and in the story GErry kept gettin headaches all the time, and soon he found out he had a tumour in his brain and he soon died after two chemotherapies. and coincidentally that's what my boyfriend gets all the time these days. and each time he gets these headaches it hurts so much.i get so afraid.and he's unwilling to go the doctor.poly is cheap, but they just give you paracetemol that you can buy at the local pharmacy.and being the paranoid that i am, i got afraid i'd lose him forever and i cried and cried yet again.besides, gerry was such a sweetheart to holly..all the letters..so touching *sighs*

and so, yesterday was the 23rd. making it the 15th month that we've been together.it's been long yet short.

long cos, the memories that we've made can already last me a lifetime..and short, because i know the memories will never be enough.there's still a long way in life that i have to walk through, and what more can i ask for than to have him be the one to walk the journey with me..

we had a long conversation in the afternoon yesterday..it was like walkin down memory lane cos we went through so many things that happened since the day we first "met" till yesterday. our first fight, our first kiss, our first time holding hands, all the times he went away to KL for weeks, hari raya..gosh..bittersweet memory-reflection is really wonderful sometimes.i wrote him a poem for our 15th monthsary. (hey, there IS such a word k.i saw it on a greeting card.)

well.it wasn't happy all the way. today we fought.(ya i noe.so much for "i love him so much" and "happy 15months") and of course i cried, but it went on..nevertheless, it ended with ok.i thought i wouldn't want to give him the poem cos he "doesn't desrve it", but now i do.

it's weird how you can cry all you want, til your eyes get swollen the next day in school, feel all the hurt in the world, get so angry, and contemplate all the breakups and pretend that you can live without that someone

yet in the end, it still ends with an "i love you". and somehow you know that vicious cycle is gonna repeat itself, the happiness, the fights, the tragic tears, and yet you still love him all the same and know that you just won't get tired of it no matter how much you want to end it sometimes.
and that's how we ended we the misunderstanding we had today. with an "i love you" and an "i love you too".

ok.enough of the mush. as much as i think the VP is a cool woman cos each time she talks she usually knows what to say and is in control, she can be pretty selfish and thinks that all the students are the same. and sadly, she said it herself. she can't seem to discipline the whole school, which is why she doesn't really bother to check on short skirts cos she can't even control late comers.she said it to me on monday when i had to see her in the office for being late.yeah and it made miss almost 10min of my bio paper.

n my darling kiki is doing fine with her new owners.the boys love her to bits.which is a real surprise for me.im happy for her though (=

we care

2005-09-05T17:50:00.000+08:00

i think the students aren't the only ones who went thru the motivational camp. past few days, the school has been sending smses of encouragement to us. first it was andy officeboy, who sent it on behalf of the school. today it was supposed to be from mrs tan.

get this: "Have faith in yourself. you can do it!! TMS believes in you."

and

"Remember to study hard and at the same time rest well cause "We Care" not only about your performance but also you"

what a change! the school does care after all!

hml was an absolute waste of time today. all my friends are ever focussed about is to go VJ together. i mean yeah what the hell, like they even bother to think about how i feel since i take comb. sci and live like miles away from VJ. [obviously they weren't taking me into consideration and started the future-VJ congregation] bleargh. when i mention comb. sci they go like " ah?!? really? omg that's sad"

thanks, you guys.

i mean hell, they're good to cry with, to laugh with but sometimes, dang they can be oh so insensitive. hell, i don't even call them. so does that make us friends at all? more like schoolmates and acquaintances. but hey, we give each other birthday presents you know. so what does that make us?

thank god i already have a best friend. who unforunately is my boyfriend too. but it's okay, he's open when i talk about other guys. (: i just love that about him. prelims are less than aweek away. haven't touched geog at all! or sci! or whatever else! DIE. practicals was hard enough. i think i failed my bio prac. :(

goodbye, kiki. hello, family gathering.

2005-08-28T15:46:00.000+08:00

guess what. today my sayang and his family (minus his sister) came over to my house! ya i was quite excited la cos his family have never been to my house before. (for goodness sake. they live in kl ok.just the family.not him.and he's NOT a mat m'sia.no offence to andre and others.) in fact, i think my dad was even more exited than anyone else was. haha. only my parents tend not to show it to me just in case it gets to my head.well finally they came and oh god, my mum started telling a lot of the embarrasing stories about me! malu siaaa! which was y i was in my room and later on played with his brothers farhan and husni. they loved my rabbits. farhan's only 12 but he exudes this aura from him that just makes you feel great when you talk to him.even if it was a short and simple conversation. as for husni, well he's 8, he's like a mini-fattah. skinny, no-butt, gone-with-the-wind kind. very quiet. farhan's mampat and easygoing. haha. gerek. i love em. and poor things, i could tell they miss livin in singapore, all their relatives and also their eldest brother. and deep in down inside i know fattah misses them like crazy too, although he doesn't show it. and i feel sad as an outsider to see a family like his separated when they want to live together. but they just can't.bleargh. well anyway my parents loved talking to his parents.especially about business. (parents' stuff, you know) but i had a great time bonding with the two little boys.

after about two hours, they all went home, and oh! his mum invited me to their house again after i've finshed my o's, and she says i can sleep over a few days and we'll go jalan2! haha. but yeah riiiite. mum'll let me go only over her dead body. unless we go as a famiy of course. and i think we are going in dec. or late nov. yay!

anyway, after they went home, it was time to say goodbye to kiki. i have to admit, i did feel sad and guilty too. you know, as the saying goes, "you never know what you got til its gone".. well yeah that's how it felt for me. i know i used to loathe cleaning her cage and all her pee whatsoever but just now as i watched ayah drive away with kiki's cage inside, i felt this emptiness. she looked scared and afraid of what's gonna happen next and i feel that i can't trust kiki's new owner. (i mean what the hell, he's 12 years old tau. surely playful kan.) and yeah, now she's gone and dad will kill me if i ever ask him for another rabbit. especially after that day where kiki bit the wire of the washing machine and caused the machine to explode and a major blackout cos we had to activate the main switch outside the house. not in the power box.buti just hope God looks after her well-being.God bless her.

the kink in kiss

2005-08-28T15:21:00.000+08:00

Part Freaky Kisser

When you kiss, you want to experience something new
A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...
And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable
There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

road to self discovery

2005-08-21T13:10:00.000+08:00

the three days i spent with my class together with ramesh and cherie has made me discover a side of myself that i never thought i had. its amazing how an indian can make almost eighty students cry. haha. i miss them all. i love my class more now..

psl farewell party was like a preview to what prom night might be like..or even better i think.. the candlelight dinner..the slow dance floor, the gifts and presentation..my sister L-ly was the only eyesore to the whole prestigious ceremony. BLEARGH. thank heavens she didn't do THE WAVE at me that night. hahaha. the past few days have been bliss. first the camp and then the farewell party..i felt so adultish and matured.hahahaha. we danced like crazy thanx to miss esther lee. ahaha. she's so cute la i tell u. she wants to get married in jeans and tshirt. and the food! oh gosh it was soo nice..the cream puffs were amazing.. catered by lagun sari i think, cos i saw the lorry in the foyer area there..and the flowers and pictures and all.. LOVELY.

never thought i'd miss psl and love my class so much. [on three: 1, 2, 3: AWWW..]

today i thought about azhar. don't ask me how he popped up, but i was listenin to all those classic slow rock songs, by firehouse and skid row and mr big and naturally he came to mind.. i wonder how he's been..does he have a new girlfriend? i think so. i kinda miss talking to him. he's inspired me in some ways, i guess.

ok. time to bathe. bye blog.

ari wibowo!!

2005-08-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

yessa! the most interesting thing happened to me! on sat! guess who i saw, people!!

ARI WIBOWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [like duh]

i was like passing by in one of those lorongs daerah haig road situ (in the car) and i was headin for mak's restaurant and there he was with hafeez glamour and a buncha other celebs eatin! in a pink and purple and white striped shirt looking gluttonly cute. (: of course the first person i told was amirah! hahahahaha. yes. she's still jealous i saw her soulmate. nyahahahah.

so wat else happened huh? my mum is secretly wishing i was wayy older so that i'd get married. she was so happy when we went to the bridal fair at expo and people invited us to sit down and discuss my marriage. geez. "ahh takpe2. saya nie tinggal tunggu menantu je! hahah"

MOTHERS.

oh ya. i have the sweetest boyfriend ever!! =D
was supposed to meet him at woodlands lib yest, i arrived first, so i studied la. then skali when he was like reaching this gripping pain took hold of my stomach. (food poisoning la) so pain! then poor fattah darling came all the way from tampines just to send me to vista point and walk home (mind you, its FAR) and poof, he went home. what was supposed to be a date turned out to be so tiring for him. poor thing! goin all the way from tamp just to meet me at woodlands only to end up sendin me back home again! (as if my house wasn't 15min away) alalala.. so sweet!! i love my sayang!! ohh n we finally bought a couple ring! yahooooo! i hope things get smooth sailin this month. :)

i still haven't read harry potter yet.ok la.that's all.bubbye!

finally.

2005-07-29T22:49:00.000+08:00

ok. i shall pretend i've been constantly updating my dead blog. ignorance is bliss. =D

today was sang jin's birthday and omg i love that guy to bits and pieces. he made me feel so attached to my class. thanx to his treat at seoul garden. the very class which i hated and despised when i first found out that i'd be in a class full of STRANGERS. gosh i was sooo wrong. as lame as some may be [kenneth, chuan li, marcus] i still loveee my resilient class mates to be. HIDUP MATI 4R! hahah. the cake was great, the food was scrumptious, the atmosphere was fabulous. i bet the seoul gardeners there have never seen such cool diners on a friday afternoon there. eh shit. my boyfriend's calling me. gotta go. shall update more..umm..sooner or later. bye bye may fly! [it rhymes!]

ohh btw. i saw boys with the most gorgeous hair and the chic-est clothes on monday. they read kids company and archie comics in bus 10. faces were quite ugly but oooooh.. they're totally captivating. i SOOO LOVE. =D

no title la today

2005-07-15T16:48:00.000+08:00

racial harmony day today, imagine how stupid and embarrassing it is to dress up in cheongsam-kurong and heels and walk about admiralty before 6am in the morning and have factory workers stare at you like you're from a different time zone. i felt like a freak.

yesterday a tornado-hurricane-earthquake-tsunami-storm wrecked my home and it took with it my heart. ='(
history is repeating itself..only its harder for me this time.i'm such a fuckin crybaby.but that won't make me lose out to dol's again. nope. is this the lowest point in life for me this year? or could it get any worse? whoa. if it can im so not lookin forward to it.

SHE is the epitome of CUTENESS.
SHE is BIG redefined.
SHE is SO CHEERFUL, her life isn't complete without a BIG WAVE. (and you must wave back, if not you're sombong! geez.)
SHE has a name like MINE. *cringes*
SHE loves my boyfriend more than i do.
SHE is my "sister"!
and oh, i just love her. :D

FAT COOL. ahahahah.

had i been living a dream for the past week and a half? cos all the fucking happy tears, laughter and smiles have finally died off and i've snapped back to reality, to the harsh cruel heartless world. priorities. guess you didn't see the urgency did you? i needed you. you didn't. the truth hurts. but i'll learn to live with it.im NOT okay.not that it matters much to you don't it?

and all you had to do
was apologise..and mean it.
but you didn't you're sorry
i don't understand.
you don't care that you hurt me.
and now i'm half the Man,
that i used to be
when it was you and me..

bittersweet

2005-07-02T17:18:00.001+08:00

life. love.friendships.downfalls.betrayals.happiness.joy.trust.misery.family.laughter.tears

its been eons since i updated. as if i don't have unlimited broadband at home. hah. anyway during my 'hiatus' period [aka malas aku nak type la eh] i learnt quite a few things.

*super traumatizing stuff can NEVER be forgotten. you can deny. but never forget. no matter how you try, unless its hypnosis or accident la.

*typical girls who daydream will always at one point in time wonder how sweet or romantic it must be or would be to ever celebrate a first anniversary with the man she loves..but i learnt that its not as romantic as romeo-juliet as loveydovey as anyone thinks. it can be either wayy better or wayyy worse. REALLY. and usually its not as wonderful as you think it is. i mean not as EXTRAVAGANTLY special la.

*i love him even after a year, just like before, although i'd never thought i'd even fall for someone whom i thought was a pai kia. ahaha. i look forward to many more years more though. not confident but hopeful at least.

*trust.when it has become so strong and suddenly its betrayed, is horribly tough to build it again. really. i speak for three other people here.

*i never knew i detest drinking so much. i don't even know why.

*we can really end up crying for the ones we love. the saying "i'll cry with you, laugh with you" realy applies. ironic cos i never believed it.

*life's experiences and lessons can leave SCARS.

*the most romantic times with someone special is actually when two people who have drifted apart come back together and try for the sake of each other to build up a love that has fallen apart.not the anniversaries, the dates, the valentine's. the desire to continue and not give up no matter the circumstances is just sweet. im not exactly talking about patching up. more like working on a r'ship thats falling apart.to me at least.

*when you truly love a family member, a friend, a partner THAT much, you'd realise that it simply KILLS you to see that person hurt him/herself. you'd cry, beg, plead, go at all lengths to stop it, without thinking, my god, how embarassing can it be.

*if you get awfully pissed (as in seriously) when your boyfriend farts in front of you, its not love, girls. its called being pathetic.

*i haven't totally got rid of my 'dol habit yet. =(

*four months to the o'levels is not as long as i thought.

*being the only combined students in express stream in school can make me feel really degraded sometimes, although its no biggie in other schools.

*people change. WE ALL CHANGE. though sometimes we don't want to. or want to. certain changes are beyond our control. we sometimes change semi-consciously.

*miss lelambigai singgaravelo was in indian dance last time. haha. cool.

*she was from poly too, and made it to uni. i'm gonna be like that. =D

*ibu can be naggy.but she has a heart too.ayah also.

*forgiveness takes a LOT of effort.im talking about sincere forgiving. not the "ok la. sory ah k!" kind of apology. it's just as hard as asking for an apology.

*i'm being emo la now. thats y i write this! it makes sense to me though. so please go away if you don't understand.

*mothers can be more enthusiastic about your relationship with your boyfriend than ou are. "elyn, ibu rasa you and him can last for about 9 years la." "does he think of marriage?" hahahaha.

*when you dad is the only man in the family, and actually longs to have a son but he knows its well, not right to have one when he's 42, he'll keep asking you to bring your boyfriend when the family goes out. then you'll actually be ignored. geez.

*i've never seen men cry so much before in the past 5months. the males have feelings too.some of which are actually stronger than their egos.

*i love my grandparents. a lot. and my family. and fattah of course. the 6 pillars of strength in my life.unfortunately i don't have a best friend. and i don't even have a specific friend that i'm close to. so i won't say that friends are exactly the most important things in my life. but hey, they have been there for me. on certain times. i love them too,but not as much i guess.

*sweet 16 is the most horrible phrase i've heard in my life. i've never cried so much on my birthday.

*guilt.one of the most powerful feelings.it practically drives me insane. it leaves SCARS too. [im sory] -> inside thingy.dont understand nvm.

he's coming over. i better mandi and kemas rumah. ok bye.

alone in love

2005-05-30T17:12:00.000+08:00

Swept me away
But now I'm lost in the dark
Set me on fire
But now I'm left with a spark
Alone, you got beyond the haze and
I'm lost inside the maze
I guess I'm all alone in love

I look into your eyes
You turn the other way
And now I realize
It's all a game you play
I hold you in the night
And wake to find you gone
You're running out of sight
It's so hard holding on
All alone in love

You haunt me in your dreams
I'm calling out your name
I watch you fade away
Your love is not the same
I've figured out your style
To quickly drift apart
You held me for a while
Planned it from the start
All alone in love

Sitting in the dark without you
How am I supposed to make it
Through the night
Slowly fall apart without you
Cry away the hours
Till the morning light

"prodigy" turned idiot.

2005-05-27T17:50:00.000+08:00

i told you i was a prodigy turned idiot. all my gonghead sedares were like "OMG. SHE'S SO BLOODY SMART! SHE GOT 258 4 GODDAMIT PSLE! HIGHER THAN KAK NOREEN! WE SECRETLY WANNA KILL HER! (i dono abt the last statement la actually, cos they're nice to me.) ". "SHE'LL BE THE NEXT ONE TO GO UNIVERSITY AND MARRY A SMART HUSBAND AND GET GENIUS BABIES!"

WELL FELLOW SEDARES, I PROVED YOU WRONG. I GOT 35 FOR MY L1R5.

AND I HAVE DROPPED AMATHS.

MY BOYFRIEND IS IN ITE AND I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I WANNA LOVE HIM FOR AS LONG AS I CAN AND LIVE WITH HIM HAPPILY EVER AFTER NO MATTER HOW TOUGH LIFE CAN GET. HOPEFULLY WE'LL GET MARRIED IN ABOUT 7 YEARS TIME AND I WILL STILL LOVE MY BABIES EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT BORN GENIUSES OR SOMETHING. =D

Speaking of my sayang, we celebrated our 11th monthsary last week! it was quite unique cos he met alot of my relatives that day. my grandparents (2nd tym), then 2 of my aunts n uncles. n some cousins. one of my cousin was sooo cute. she said "awak. tu bibik (as in maid) awak eh, yg pakai baju color merah?"

ahahahaha. BIBIK SEY KENA! A MALE BIBIK!! ahahahaha.

nwae then we played bowling. (at which he unashamedly thrashed me) and fortunately for us, we play sampai masok midnite, so we got to countdown together la. then i finaly gave him those stupid things i got for him, and by around 1am, he was back home sweet home cos my parents sent him back.

ok. back to my sorrowful woes. im considering dropping pure phys n chem to comb sci, bt still retainig pure bio. i looked at the comb sci paper and i was like OMG! SENANG NYE THE PAPER. well much much much more senang than pure la. so many things not included in comb sci! like pressure, electrolysis, latent and specific latent heat capacity.. ishhhh.

BUT if i drop, i'll be the only sec4 express student to do it. so i'll still have to attend lessons as per normal and take the same tests as my class. and still score shittyfuck marks.

bleargh

BUT the good thing is..

my birthday is like 6 days away and my first anniversary with him is like finally 27days away! and better still, GREAT SINGAPORE SALE IS ON!! yahoooo!

so despite a hectic and lifeless school "holiday" schedule that the shitty school has given me, im gonna be as optimistic as i can. 3 OUT OF 4 weeks of endless science and humanities classes won't bring me down! i hope.

HIGHLY DEMORALIZED

2005-05-20T22:20:00.000+08:00

it is ok, when all u pass is english and hml. which is supposed to be a MUST pass. it is ok, when all u get are f9s except for geog, which is like 46.5%, when u wrote 2+ pages for ss but got 3pathetic marks. n even worse when ur'e the only f-niner in ur class for chem, which makes u last in class la like DUH.

BLEARGH.

Mum n dad n i discussed about me taking combined science. i am seriously considering it.

happy belated birthday marissa. hope u like ur gifts. =) MY BIRTHDAY IS IN LIKE 13DAYS U KNOW! =D

i am so fucking in love with my boyfriend. =) nothing outrageously special has happened, but i just feel like that. besides, he can cook ok. nasi goreng. haha. (altho its a bit masam. too much tomato sauce. bt nvm..i didn't really tell him that.haha) n to top it all up, 23rd is coming. yayness.

n he's got shazmeer. oooohhh how i love shazmeer.

sakiiiiit

2005-05-18T09:38:00.000+08:00

im sakit. eh not that sakit ok. im talking about headaches and body aches n whatnots. ive been suffering serious headaches since sunday. panadols just dont work. even my sleepig pills don't have any effect on me anymore! :'( i still hate my lazy old fat rabbit kiki. i'd rather hold the stuffed rabbit my grandma gave it to me. i sleep with it everyday u noe. :)

ryt now it feels as though ive got a fever but im not! why can't i get a fever. then it makes it all worthwhile to know that ohhh im havin bad headaches n body aches cos im havin a fever but now im not!!

in my family we're forced to take vitamins n stuff u noe. so we have this compartments for each of us where we're supposed to take our supplements. we each have a compartment of a dif color.

then one day my father so selenge go and eat my mum's one. i mean no diff la. practically everything the same.

EXCEPT

he took evening primrose oil, instead of omega3 cod liver oil!

haha. if ur so bodoh, EPO is for women only ok. (usually la) cos it helps with menses n everything.

so we're all calling my dad lembut. =D

today is the last paper of the day. yessa! can't wait til its over. 2.5 hours. like wtf. sit n freeze for so long in the bloody hall! kla nak main sims. bye!

BTW MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 15DAYS!!!!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOO!

stuuuuupid!

2005-05-16T10:42:00.000+08:00

ey fucker of a computer. i can't leave a line in between my fucking sentences!

flying gstrings (blowing in the wind in front of the fan. haha!)

2005-05-16T09:44:00.000+08:00

why am i not in school rite now? because i slept at 4am, (i usually wake up at 5 btw) because i had a killer headache, because my sleeping pills don't work anymore. :(

i finally got a new all-in-one printer and an lcd monitor! yahoo!

i have the cutest grandparents in the world.

nenek: "elyn, kalau pass periksa ni, sambung skolah lagi la nie eh?"

so cute! she's so naive!!

my best friend has changed quite a bit. i miss the silly, wacky, baik/alim, but yet heck care at the same time attitude of his.

now he religiously goes to school, and has no sense of adventure at all. his only sinful addiction: MY OLD RED ALERT CD ROM. wtf man. why do i call it sinful addiction? COS HE SANGGUP OFF HIS FUCKING HANDPHONE AND TAKNAK ANGKAT TELEPHONE RUMAH PON! like OUCH.

n maybe one day he'll just choke on his mocha or lattes or pure chocolate or whatever.

n my mum thinks he can already get a bike licence. YEAH RITE!

but then again, he's still my best friend.. and boyfriend.

i'm waiting for the day i can get hold of my red alerts and shove it up his anus. haha.

don't get me wrong. i love him ok.

okla. the jamban's calling me and i wanna mandi. after that i can play my SIMS UNLEASHED! =D

now THAT'S my sinful addiction. it's my mum's and sister's too. [tapi not to the point where i OFF MY FUCKING HANDPHONE OK.]

shazmeer baby, please grow up quickly so that i can marry you.

happy 71th birthday dearest grandfather! HUGS

2005-05-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

aloha! today i went lingerie shopping! =D but i budget la. so not that 69.90 triumph thingy. ey, but not so budget until i buy 2 for $3.90 japan bras ok. thanx shikin for influencing me to grab a 2nd pair of panty-bra. haha. u booby lover.

guilt guilt guilt. it's in everyone's heads. even yours! u silly billy goo goo. haha. we shall study my physics n ur mechatronics together ok! we'll go earth neutral live together at the library til our brain fizzes off.

17daysleft2go!

why do you build me up buttercup, only to bring me down

2005-05-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

fort canning was great. no. 7 was wonderful. so was the lasagne. it was bliss. but you just had to twist it all around, you just had to bring me down.

" i tell you something eh, u eh, mcm org yg suka ckp eh ko curik. padahal tak nampak pape"

in other words, i "like to accuse ppl w/o proof."

excuse me? the only "accusation" (according to u) was that you were mad. n its not like u weren't. u said " a bit mad". geez, that's mad wat. ape saje la.

go on, treat me without significance. go on, call me sensitive. for your info, majority of girls ARE sensitive, are gembeng ok. u be glad that i'm not crying bcos i have cramps or bcos i lost my book.

i wasted those cards!

bastard!

2005-05-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

i am sooo fuckin mad at you! hmmph. idiot la u! first u tell me, "ehh i wana go out wif u la. pls3? can't u go out wif me tmr? today i wana spend time wif dem cos they're going back to kl tmr.go out tmr la." ; when i wanted to go out today to try n get an idea on wat to get for mother's day. bt it was fine to me..i dont mind going out tmr. AND THEN i realised that they went jb and still weren't back by 10+pm! which means that ur fatass was at home the whole day. then u say "but usually even when they go jb they were back in the aftnn". ok. nvm. i was still cool wif it. BUT I GOT SUPER DUPER WHOOP DEE DOOPER ALLY OOPER MAD when u said, "umm..maybe tmr i can't make it la. they goin back in the evening. sorry..sorry 0k? pls 4gv me.. "

ey fuck la. u think what? i fucking sacrificed when i could have bought that shitty stuff today, but bcos of u i didnt go. AND THEN U FUCKING DON'T WANT TO GO OUT TOMORROW! a-hole of a boy.

ohhhh.bila aku cakap nak klua dgn sedara aku instead, tau marah. tau ckp "alah i wanna go out wif u la bsk"

BILA PART GINI TAU CAKAP SORRY. BASSSTARRRD NYEEEEE DEKNIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so mad. feel like throwing maggots into your face. haha! evil me.

oh well. i still love you dear. =D

eeeeeeeeeee ='(

2005-04-30T14:51:00.000+08:00

GUESS WAT!?!?!? i was cleaning my bunny kiki's cage, pulled out the poop tray, which was lined with newspaper, and then there were like these mini flies. ok nvm. but then, THERE WERE MAGGGGGGOOOOOOTTTTTSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE OMFG. i was home alone k. no romeo was there to save me from the agonizing sight. i reached out for shieldtox and spray n spray n sprayed all the damn buggaroos; but even aft about 5min there were 2 still rolling around in their fat white bodies! i kept chanting "die u fucking maggot die!". GROSS is the right word to describe em. now im so traumatized by that unforgettable even, that i'm paranoid already. evey itch i feel, i imagine those maggots on me. what if i've inhaled some of the eggs? i mean they're so tiny, i might have just inhaled some of them! or what if some of the almost hatching eggs got onto my hair? surely they're also very light and can be carried by the wind and land on my hair while i was cleanin the newspaper up right? ok. im gonna take a shower now. im so super grossed out by those phucking maggots.

what an unpleasant event. boohoo.

wish i had a camera to show u those fugly maggots. eurgh. n now, my bunny kiki doesn't seem so cute n furry anymore. i mean, she's white. the maggots are white. she lives in the cage n lazes around like the whole day. then there'd surely be some of those crap in her bushy fur..that's it. im nvr gonna touch her again.

kini ku kembali

2005-04-30T13:21:00.000+08:00

elyn is back! after like weeks of not updating, (my com cocked up la) im here. but then, i got nothing to say. so nvm la. next time aje i'll say something ok. bye bloggy!

haha. funny AH.

2005-04-07T21:08:00.000+08:00

and i DO NOT find it amusing that you cancel and conduct tests on a last minute basis. it said somewhere on a sheet of paper when i was either sec1 or 2 that pupils are to be told of tests at least a week earlier. and after i've studied like crazy, wringing my brain juices off, confident that it'll pull up my grades, i do not find it comforting that a test is cancelled just because you have to many papers to mark. how come i don't complain about homework that you give? you have 4 classes to mark, did you say? well i have seven subjects, mind you. that's just as bad. all you do is tick and cross, well, i think, calculate and write down the answers.or..sumtimes copy. but that's not the point. just don't cancel the chemistry tests, will you?

insomaniac

2005-04-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

i have been pushed to highest stress level, i guess.. to the point that i am suffering from insomnia. til i get my dosage of sleeping pills from the doctor. its just insane that i roll around in bed for hours and hours and my eyes just can't shut. school has been quite pointless this week. but this months seems to be peaking up somehow. im financially OK for once.

i saw dr vivian balakrishnan for real today. haha. wow. the straits times pocket money fund cheque ceremony whatever-you-wanna-call-it thing was held in school today. the food was yummylicious. asri, khairunnisa, siti and me have never been as glutton as how we were today. 3 helpings of food..ooohh..it felt like we were at a hi-tea buffet. gorgeous. =)

we belong together

2005-04-03T12:06:00.000+08:00

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I did nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined
I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

I didn't know you
I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't
Hear your voice
Or even touch or kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here
Cos baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cos
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody else
Cos we belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you're all on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me 'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface

I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby

When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody else
We belong together

o god please pretty please please bless me with mariah carey's voice so that i can sing this oh-so-fantabulous song. *sighs* been hearing over n over n over again.

from now on, no matter how tough the challenges may be for us, i ain't never gonna let you go. nope, never again. i love you so, so much =)

so many things left unsaid..i have the urge..

2005-04-02T12:14:00.000+08:00

music is it. kl+tioman trip. memories. photographs. beautiful sunsets and crashing waves. snorkelling with fishes in the clear blue ocean. sea urchins. flirtatious apeks. =P 5RM Marlboros. =( meet his parents session. new al-cheapo mp3. carrefour outing. =) small group tuition??

n now its over just like that. wished you'd tell me "April Fools" or something like that. but no, it was for real. n it took 6h for reality to sink in. memories. we have lots of them. maybe that wld keep me going on until i can forget it all.

i started 2005 with much optimism, cos i thought 2004 had been harsh enough. but hell no, 2005 came as a cyclone and destroyed as much as it could in my life. everything, and i mean everything in my life is broken. talk about the test of faith. its like some sort of huge tsunami tt came and took away as much happiness as it could. be it friends, family, love, trust, everything. n now im slowly starting everything again, but its hard. the fags n dols r back. you are gone. so are they. what do i have left? i don't show it in school, or even at home but the hurt lives inside me. oh well, only 9months to 2006. i gotta keep going. =D

over and over again

2005-03-06T13:01:00.000+08:00

past few days have been great..well at least if compared to the rest of the days that have gone by.

first things first: Happy Belated 17th Birthday Dearest!! ( : [0403]
hope you liked the seoul garden treat and the movie, cos i did.

thursday was such a wacky day. good enough that we were like 5mins late for sch, frm wanting to enter late, we ended up just skipping the whole day. loved the forest/sabri adventure we had. poor hana had to 'distract' him. haha.

on friday i was only in sch til recess, then i went out to meet my birthday boy, went home, changed, n out we go. white noise is not so good la. *** rating for me.

seoul garden rocks my socks. and all my fats that jiggle with it too. haha = )

saturday: it was morning madness. MADness. that's all i can say. = (
you've left me thinking so hard, i'm paranoid all over..

my relative failed her A levels and now she has to repeat tertiary and go back to poly. how demoralizing!! that's it. poly for me i guess.

mundane excitement. (?)

2005-03-01T15:43:00.000+08:00

ok.so no more paranoia about seeing B4 in my head. no more paranoia about not completing a whole page of the answer scripts cos i got a1 for malay! alhamdulillah. = ) sadly this is only the beginning. i have another 7more papers to take at the end of this year. and that fucking sucks.
= (

that was like the happiest thing that happened that day. the rest was all tears and rage. its a part of my daily life already.

oh tell me that it won't hurt

2005-02-27T11:20:00.000+08:00

many2 days of misery gone by. the tears, the rage, the screaming and shouting, the biting and ripping..talk about traumatizing. i could only wish i never chanced upon it, but then again, i'd be living a life of deceit if i hadn't found it out. like what she says "nasi telah menjadi bubor".. don't know what will happen. we're all putting up a front just for that little girl. we know we're her happiness..but..how long can this last? i don't know. forgive? maybe. forget? NEVER. never can i look at u, the pillar of the group, the same way again. never can i have the same amount of respect that i had for you. you betrayed us. and that was it. same goes to that ~~fuglymotherfuckingbitchslutfuck.~~ what a coward..after the damage she has caused. its not damage man. its more like destruction. cos its all crumbled to the ground. i thought there was never something like this that would happen..but who would've thought. you see, god loves us, [unlike you.cos i guess you never did] he showed us the truth. i never really meant it, those times i called you an asshole or whatsoever, but now i do. n u know that. u read my letter didn't you? shame on you. shame on her. for being such childish imbeciles. ugh~ what would i do without those times he was there to rush over to me, n made me see a ray of hope.. i'd probably would've died of panadol overdose.[which im glad came out when i puked in the car.] i don't know why but im willing to give this whole thing another try..but maybe she's right.. "he won't learn his lesson, i tell you,"

i hate you naz. i swear to god. with every heartbeat inside of me, with every breath that i take in, with every word i utter, the hate and anger and rage inside of me towards you will stay. and THAT, will never change. you're no god. don't go about testing people just cos you've been tested twice. u know i'd say this if had the chance, but you're running away from me.i barely said anything to you and you already left. cowardly whore.

*to any naz's reading this, pls don't be offended.this belongs to only one desperate bitch out there.and unfortunately, the chances of her reading this, is 0 to a million.*

thanx many2 to u n u

2005-02-20T09:49:00.000+08:00

there was a happy ending to that day after all. nana, u give great hugs. u too fattah. i got my white rose after all.. [which sadly died b4 it got to bloom.that always happens to me n roses. haiz. but he doesnt need to know that.haha] = )

unfortunately. the happy ending lasted barely a week for me. and now i am back to my breaking point.

say it isn't so

2005-02-12T20:03:00.000+08:00

what telah happened man. i miss the missed calls. i miss those "heloooooo"s on the other line. i miss the "angles" in those smses. i miss those silly jokes. i miss those anxious voice messages. i miss that sickening laughter. i miss those stupid questions that irritate me. i miss those "i'll call you back"s. i miss you

"you're my best buddy" -

whatever happened to that

tell me it's not over

found it at last!!

2005-02-12T20:00:00.000+08:00

Rindu Serindu Rindunya

Berikanlah jawapan
Huraikanlah simpulan
Biar tenang jiwaku
Setelah kasih lama berlalu
Tidak mungkin kulupa
Perjanjian kita
Di bawah rumpun bambu
Di kala bulan sedang beradu
oh..oh..

Mengapa terjadi perpisahan ini
Di kala asmara melebar sayapnya
Mengapa kau pergi di saat begini
Di kala hatiku terlukis namamu
Kalau memang tiada jodoh
Apa lagi nak ku heboh
Aku malu pada teman
Pada semua

( korus )
Rindu ... rindu serindu rindunya
Namun engkau tak mengerti
oh...oh
Pilu ... pilu sepilu pilunya
Namun engkau tak perduli
Malu ... semalu malunya
Namun apa daya orang tak sudi
Mahu ... semahu mahunya
Namun apa daya orang dah benci

Berikanlah jawapan
Huraikanlah simpulan
Biar tenang jiwaku
Aku malu

thanx to dad playing this song in the car all thru the holiday =D

jiwang sejiwang jiwangnya

2005-02-12T11:37:00.000+08:00

sappy is the way to be today. trying my utmost best to play jiwang songs on the keyboard. =) not that it made me feel much better, but it did help a little. english sappy songs are nice too. but somehow singing malay songs has more feeling. haha.

the dance and singing auditions are today. good luck ppl!! i'm judging dance. so dancers do be nice to me ok. =D

ok. bye bye

rinduuuuuuuuuuu. rindu serindu rindunyaaaaaaaa
namun engkau tak mengertiiiii
wohoooooo
piluuuuuuuuuuuu. pilu sepilu pilunyaaaaaaaaa
*then i don't know what comes next*

this couldn't possibly be pms could it?

2005-02-11T21:13:00.000+08:00

i fucking hate you [for now]

you're a selfish bastard. insensitive. n you're desperate and pathetic. you're a total loser. go lick your porn star friends, why don't you? oops i forgot. you're so selfish, they probably have to be the ones to lick you, while you sit there looking like you just saw a glimpse of heaven. eurgh. everything has to be about you being right doesn't it? i admit i've had my mistakes, when my mouth shoots off rubbish w/o me thinking, but i never was as pathetic as you are. n now you're probably going "omg. look at her. saying all these things about me. pooooor me" yeah. go wallow in self-pity as usual again. it's always been the case. i'm the bad bitch. and you're the sad, little one. have you ever gave a thought about how YOUR words n actions affect me or hurt me too? NO. you just dwell upon the things that you've done for me. what about the things that you've NOT done for me? for once in my life, i think i deserve better than this. you're being so mean lately. n i fucking hate this. i don't need all this rage and tears.

give me back the old you.

just waiting to be discovered

2005-02-06T13:48:00.000+08:00

im feelin hella good today. i don't know. it's not that anything significant has been happening.. in fact, i'm all alone at home, with a chem test pending. but i'm still feelin happy

had a great time yest. it was fabulous. i met him in the early afternoon, grabbed some lingerie at the JL sale and then headed on to school to catch the auditions for the upcomin concert. some of the bands were superb. but i pitied some of them, didn't have enough time to do proper setup, like shahrul's band. and some of them were just awesome in their genre, but unfortunately not suitable for a school gig; like the black metal band. they were fab, esp their small little bassist.so cute. =) like the saying goes: kecik2 cili padi. haha. some bands were better off w/o their vocalists who cldn't sing at all. and some vocalists were drowned by the volume of the music which the band cldn't really control. but who am i to judge all of this..mine turn for judging's nxt wk!! so all dancers, pls be nice to me or i'll kick your ass out of the competition. some pink n white roses or silver jewellery will be enough to bribe me. =)

bt then again, seeing all the bands perform, with so much hope to be in this small mini gig, just goes to show how much talent is hidden..its just that local music is still developing and some of these bands just don't really know where to start..keep on rockin u guys..

p.s. pink n white roses.. *hint hint*

[n b, im sorry abt the g-string joke. hopefully it won't be so bad 4 u. haha]

a thousand words

2005-02-04T15:47:00.000+08:00

We stumble in a tangled web, decaying friendships almost dead
And hide behind a mask of lies
We twist and turn and we avoid, all hope of salvage now devoid
I see the truth inside your eyes
So take all this noise into your brain and send it back again
I'll bear the cost, shed my skin, call you up and then...

I'll say the words out loud
You could resurrect a thousand words to deceive me more and more
A thousand words will give the reasons why I don't need you anymore
Time manipulates your heart, preconceptions torn apart
Begin to doubt my state of mind
But I won't go down on what I said
I won't retract convictions read
I may perplex, but I'm not blind
So take all this noise into your brain and send it back again
I'll bear the cost, shed my skin, call you up and then...
I'll say the words out loud

I'll say the words out loud.
I'll say a thousand words or more
Manipulation. Fabrication. Conversation. Annihilation
I'll say a thousand words or more
Damnation. Frustration. Elevation. Procreation
I'll say a thousand words or more

y so sick? 9062. red red fingers. brown elbows. =S

2005-02-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

my titles always don't make sense to anyone except me.oh well.its alrdy 10.10 according to my simpsons clock but im barely done with my geog project. [screw you sadiq and aim.] wi n me have to do all the darnit work. at least aim volunteered to well, at least be present at wi's house. but you? NOOOOOOO. ur either playing soccer, busy, off to jb, sick or having tuition. amazing.and apparently i obviously noe ur xcuxe for tmrw : "aku tak dapat msg ko!"

riiiiiight. i don't have delivery reports for nothing, u gundu.

at least the dikir barat thing is over n done with. right? alamak tired la dey. jz now naik 168 skali my bus accident. nothing major la. superduper minor. but still.thank god for dad who was on the way home, or i'd prolly reach home almost 9.soooooooooo friggin tired. ptf or whatever u call it is utter rubbish. i don't see the point of getting distracted and ending up doin 6 mcq qns for the whole of 2hrs.

i saw red last saturday. =( n i am oh-so-freaked.

happy belated 15th birthday, nana. i owe u a present. i know. haha

really hope u'll get well soon syg.see you tmr.be early pls. ~~or i'll stuff the thermometer up ur anus.~~ =)

rollercoaster and masculine fantasies. => [right shikz?] haha. THINK POSITIVE.

2005-01-26T20:04:00.000+08:00

today. i laughed like hell. ~~felt kinky in the morning.~~ became so confused. got super pissed. cried like crazy. after that smiled big2. talk about an emotional whirlwind. =) =P =S >=( =( =D

i nvr thot i'd break it to you then and there but what else could i do.
"life is hard.its harder if you're stupid." -homer simpson
and unfortunately. most of the time i was so very stupid indeed.

u had me at the wrong time. i was at the very tip of my breaking point. bt somehow or rather, i was glad you were there. im taken aback. but i feel much closer to you and relieved at the same time. if we can make it thru the nxt 9mths..then we'll be able to make it thru anytg. [i hope]

and as for you, dear female adult: stop jumping to conclusions and indirectly blame me ok. pls la. u think my whole life revolves around it?[ok so maybe it does] BUT its not like im obsessed about it. i do other things too. like STUDY. stop picking on little things and use this issue to make me feel guilty or make the situation worse. some of the things r totally irrelevant to it. just because its 2005... eurgh.

and i hope hope hope hope hope that she will keep her mouth shut. and not talk about it unless she's asked.

if i can go w/o dolls and the rolls, u can go w/o the bottle.both of you.don't disappoint me pls.

lamdas and asswipes = YOU n YOU

2005-01-24T19:25:00.000+08:00

wahsey. so very long time i nvr update ah. i just can't seem to blog la eh. no mood. n its not that life has been on its peak. happy 24th birthday amelia. i haven't done the homework you gave me. sorry.

you know what? screwww you. sometimes i just wish that every ounce of you will just vaporise and disappear. [and that goes to you too , you BITCH.screwwwwwwwwwwww you too.] its not pms, im not pregnant, but gosh, i seem to be ultra frustrated today. [no suprise ainnit. u goddamn screwed my day.today.n yesterday too] why did i even..bleargh. forget it. im gonna cover my head with a pillow and scream the fucking rage out of me.

just for today. [ n yesterday too maybe] im gonna hate you. both of you.

there she goes

2005-01-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

there goes my new year resolution. all down the drain. i fell asleep during bio. oh don't blame me for that. the night b4 the first day of sch, i slep past midnight and woke up at 5.and then reached home at 9pm thanx to sec1 orientation n my dad for not picking me up from sch. thank you for sending me home. yes you. school's a big blur for me now. it's such a drag to lug ur bag and ALL the books for the whole day everywhere you go, for each subject.it's horible. we all look like a mass of idiots with our bags around during recess. blame it on the HOMEROOM. honestly, only the teachers benefit. they don't move their big asses. [no offence to any teacher with a literally big ass] fortunately, the sec ones this year are much much more cooperative and responsive. i like. why are you staring at the screen?! [that's for my sister btw] away with you.go. i wonder when im gonna get caught for my dyed hair. we'll see. and wassup with boys and celak? on just one eye? now they're the minahs. haha.

if i look back n reflect, it feels like just recently that i was in sec1, throwing away kfc chicken and pizza hut food just like that during ndp practices, cos we were all so sick of eating them every wk. [now we know we were dumb. don't rub it in], then in sec2, where my classmates were sick enough to hold a crying competition, n helping to make jungle jive a success [rmmbr that shikz?] then comes sec3, where skipping class and school became a habit, and having regular toilet sessions..now im in sec4! haha. time flies.

celebrate good times COME ON! =D

2004-12-31T23:36:00.000+08:00

boo ya! i am back. free from ANY exam pressure whatsoever. and boy am i happy. somhow i seem pretty optimistic despite some people feeling blue about it. obviously it won't be an easy year for me. but hey, it doesn't hurt to be positive does it? so people, stop thinkin of the bad stuffs okey.

looking back on 2004, it's been one of the worst years for me. despite some happy little things, it was more or less painful. but hey, it's all gonna be over. [i hope]

so here goes my resolution, soon to be unfulfilled. yet again.

1) grow TALLER. [yes nana, we're on the same boat.]
2) resist food. lose weight. [ooooh, thats a tough one]
3) try to be more religious and work harder
4) be a more responsible daughter to my mummy and daddy.
5) be a sweeter n more understanding girlfriend. =)
6) at least attempt to do my homework and stop lying to kc tan all the time
7) try not to skip class/school again [with the exception of ms leong.i still hate her]
8) avoid 'dols and cix for good.
9) be less spendthrift
10) pass maths
11) avoid paranoia
and lastly

WORLD PEACE. [aww...]

what a wrap to the resolutions. i love all of you! let's all pray that this upcoming year will be a kickass one.

modelling vs amaths? [jaya jaya jaya jaya]

2004-12-29T21:28:00.000+08:00

goodness gracious me. typical of this fickle-minded fatass here to change her mind last minute and decide to give physics reexam a shot. oh well. obviously i haven't touched my brand-new physics tys and reading it for 15min didn't help much. ey, i changed my mind at almst midnight k.no time to study. besides, y bother when i'll prolly fail alrdy. 2hours in the avt was pure torture, thanx to the teachers who also delayed the paper by 1/2h went they were m.i.a. surprisingly, i could actually do quite a few questions, so i guess the paper was considered VERY easy, altho i practically left section B blank. tomorrow's it, baby! everything's gonna be allll good tmrw.amaths will be over, [tho im still not so ready for it], he's gonna be back, i'll do my shopping and yay!!!!!!!!!!! it'll be a helluva year nxt yr. =D

congrats to you. mcP! phew. n nana! we're gonna make it i tell you. on cleo. ; ) dare to dream, baby.

digging for biscuits hidden under the waves

2004-12-28T17:14:00.000+08:00

did anyone not hear about the tsunami n earthquake? i don't know why but my hair was standing on its end.. guess that was one of god's way of saying "forget me not" to us. so many ppl died.. it's so very tragic. so looking at the state of those homeless, widowed, orphaned ppl, i should learn to shut my mouth n quit whining like a bitch.

my big day is in 2days time. unprepared.unexcited. actually, it's supposed to be my 2 big days. but since im droppin phys [is it a good idea?] im just left with amaths. gosh. this is gonna be oh so hard for me. =S

baked my 1st home-made au naturale brownie today. erm..instead of nice, moist, soft brownies, part of the brownie was like a biscuit, i had to scrape and dig to get it off the baking tray. sigh. so much opening a bakery. haha.nevertheless, the softer parts of the brownie still taste pretty gd.. =D ok. so maybe im lying cos for some weird reason, it's tasteless. SHAHIDAH YOU GAVE ME THE WRONG RECIPE. oh well. i'll stick to instant betty crocker cakes frm now on.

macph? balest? whichever you think is best, god. [preferrably macph, pls.]

it's not fairrrrr!!!!

2004-12-24T20:10:00.000+08:00

don't mind me if i whine like a dog. but it's just not fair. everybody's out, havin fun, enjoyin the hols, while i frantically try my best to study amaths for the reexams [which is in like 6days], altho i think its pointless cos i the chances of me passing is like 3 out of 100. haiz. i know i will fail, and mum will kill me. i've had enough of her blabberings and threatenings. and shame on me for being the smartypants-turned-failure of the family. screw all you amaths geniuses out there.

2004-12-22T20:41:00.000+08:00

It's been two days and I'm missin' you already
Never really thought you could mean
So much in such a little time
Think about the nights when I'm lyin' in your bed
With my chest resting your head
Now that you're gone I'm here to stay

When you come back all I wanna do is hold you
Have a blast even though there's nothing to do
Hold you close and look you in the eyes
So just come back and I'll tell you how I feel
Never knew how easy you could steal
My heart I miss you come home soon

You're in KL now, I hope that you'll be home soon

partially edited version of that song "come home soon".

n just in case i won't blog tomorrow,

HAPPY ADVANCED 23RD TO US..

gosh this means so much n i can't believe you're not here.

billabong bagedilism, passion fruit, slut. hate, you, camille.

2004-12-22T19:42:00.000+08:00

don't get me wrong, i don't even know who you are camille. im sure you're a nice girl. it's not your fault. :)

but what are the hell are YOU doing, u bastard?! thank the heavens im not on any swear diets or whatever ficketty fick fucks. 2005 hasnt even started, n ure showing the signs already.

yes.ive been on a subhiatus, unwilling to update my blog.surprisingly, i blog when my life is uneventful, but shut myself out when my life shows a tinge of excitement. so here's a vague recap:

went to night safari for the first time.wonderful.

nana slept over.shopping spree~ love my white shoes. was asked to be a model!! haha. honestly, it's rubbish cos they pick practically everyone.if this shortfat chick got picked, u'll definitely get it.jz try walking down orchard road, n it'll happen to u too. they'll give u some card.bt hey, it made my day. =P smack in your face, kak nur! take that. hah.

as much as i think i hate you, i love you mum.

you're back! BUT you're gone again.2months gone by, n i spent only 2 days with you.absolutely romantic, i tell you. *sarcasm here* at least you got to meet my grandmother, and i met chrissypoo at paragon while you were at al-falah.hmmph yes, i met christopher frm sg idols. hey, at least i met ONE of the idol finalists without desperately stalking him and popping up at all his whereabouts just to get a glimpse. aww hell i still love you anyway

there's abit more, bt to cut it short, this is it.yeah, my life practically screams the word EXCITING. *sarcasm again, if you're too dumb to spot it*

btw, i checked up on the word: SLUT.
according to the longman dictionary of contemporary english:
1) an offensive word for awoman who has had many sexual partners
2) a word for a lazy and an untidy woman

i know you meant 1) for me. bt for someone who is still a virgin n has only one partner, tt's totally unappropriate.so yea don't worry.im not offended. =) that word won't bring me down. go check the dict.

loser on the lose.

2004-12-11T14:20:00.000+08:00

81259698

PRANK CALL HIM, OR WHATEVER K PPL. n pls help me kick his ass. cos the low-life kutu-brain asshole who bugged me MONTHS ago is back. he uses private number btw. and if you know him, PLEASE tell me who he is.

paranoia eating me from the inside

2004-12-11T14:00:00.000+08:00

i cant wait. im goin to night safari tonight!! yayness~

oh n b4 i forget:

Happy 18th Birthday to Azman! [today]
Happy Belated 39th and 24th Birthday to My Aunt and Taufik! [yesterday]
Happy Belated 15th Birthday to Honeysah and Raudah! [6th]
Happy Belated Birthday to My DAD! He's 41 btw. [3rd]
Happy Belated Birthday to Farha! [30th Nov]
Happy Belated 15th Birthday to Hana! [26th Nov]

N to those i've forgotten, i am so sorry.

Life is just so monotonously haywire for me. ok. nvm if u don't get it. ALL that i've experienced within just these 2 mths haf changed me a bit. hopefully you'd still recognize me.aniwae, i've yet to start studying for the goddamn reexams at the end of this mth. wtf.

=) only 4-5 days till he's back. n i can't wait. good luck this friday

2004-12-08T11:13:00.000+08:00

blogger sux

take that, u jerk.

2004-12-07T15:51:00.000+08:00

Weren't you the one who said that you don't want me anymore
And how you need your space and give the keys back to your door
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me
And still you said your love was gone and that I had to leave
Now you're Talking bout a family
Now you're saying I complete your dreams
Oh Now you're sayin I'm your everything
You're confusing me
What you saying to me, don't play wit me, don't play wit me
CHORUS
Cause.... What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back to me
What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who's cryin, desirin', to come back

I remember when I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you til 3 o'clock in the 'morn
And when you came home you'd always have some sorry excuse
Half explaining to me like I'm just some kind of a fool
I sacrificed the things I wanted to do things for you
But when it's time to do for me
You never come thru
Now you wanna be up under me
Now you have so much to say to me
Now you wanna make time for me
Whatcha doin to me, you're confusin me
Don't play with me don't play with me cause

CHORUS

I remember when I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you till 3 o'clock in the 'morn
Night after night knowing something goin on
Wasn't long before I be gone
Lord knows it wasn't easy believe me
Never thought you'd be the one that would deceive me
And never do what you're supposed to do

No need to approach me fool, cuz I'm over you

It's called Karma baby and it goes around

that one's for you. yes YOU. don't you drama mama wif me no more. sick of all your twisted words that i hear over n over again. im jolly well happy with whatever and WHOever that i have with me right now.thanx for all the 'love and joy' that you brought into my life.and yes, i hope your nightmares will stay.may u have a happy life with another girl.cos it's never gonna be me again.

everybody's changing and i don't feel the same

2004-12-02T22:41:00.000+08:00

ok. although everyone's talking abt it in their blogs, i wanna join in too. TAUFIK WON SINGAPORE IDOL!!! GO T.B! ; ) my family voted 9 times k! not that i think it meant a lot to him. haha. oh well. like gurmit says "every vote counts,". past few days been flyin by like a breeze (thank god) cos last week was super slow moving. can't wait for the 16th. jalan raya no2 on the 30th with my tms sec3 (+hakim xtra): was the most slackest yet funniest jalan raya so far. thanx to hakim and the rest of the selenge-s. first up was at reza's. haha. we were "rolling good times" there. according to his mom. =P inside joke. we hung around there for ages, playing "around the world in 80 days" contemplating the hidden meaning behind "t.b", unwilling to move until we caught destiny's child's video clip. geez.next was fahmi's house, where we hung around even longer. evryone was so jakon-ified just by being in his condo.shikin even claimed she just stepped into heaven.can't blame her.she comes from a rural kampong area in indo. =P fahmi's mum was super nice too.only we talked too much with one another we barely listened to her.kesian."makcik rejected masok dlm kitchen" right reza? the best was his room!! yeah. the girls had like a makeover.esp fatinZ! she looked gorgeous! total makeover. with the help of hana n messa.then comes all the 'america's top model wannabe NOT' pic taking. haha. it was awesome. altho nisah claimed i looked like fahmi's mistress in one of the pics! haha. nisah was my partner in the duo pic.and everyone had to promote fahmi's yellow bouncy ball in a photoad.cute.after like 2h+ there, we finally got our butts movin to hana's place.where again, we bummed around til ppl fell asleep, watchin mtv, rockin on her rocking chair outside on her porch/garden.but thank god we hung around long enuff for her sis n her bro in law to bring us some crab n fish curry. Y.U.M.M.Y i tell u. we all ate like a pig. and finally we headed to messa's place, where i kicked hakim's ass at chess. haha.im THAT gd k. =P we never did stop at contemplating the various meanings of t.b: tetek bacin, tetek berbulu, tetek berbiji... then somehow it became t.m: tetek marvellous, tetek magnificent..HILARIOUS. too bad i had to go when they went off to alijah's. =(

raya no 3 with pasir ris pri today: another hilarious bunch, since i met them 2yrs ago for a raya outing. azi is the same 'mulut murai' chatterbox that she was in pri sch.zahir stil the manly one. mubaraq got much quieter tho.and afiq: gayy as everr. =) we were practically stuffed to the brim at each and every house, frm green 'mouldy' (herbal) pratas, to mee siam, to jackfruit cucurs, nuggets, cheesesticks.. gosh I GAINED A KG I TINK. so many cacat jokes. esp azi.she talked so much, that there were times when i seriously wanted to stuff one of her two bags that she brought into her mouth.but she cracks me up la.with her dumbness.=P i had a rolling gd time man. [sorry reza.haha] zahir's dad is handsome man! looks like wolverine. wayy cool. there were so many things to catch up on, it was a real gd time.very nostalgic.esp when mubs brought our raya pics frm p6.sad sey..we've all drifted so far apart..i'd love to spend another day with all of you again. thanx for the memories you guys: azi,afiq,zahir,farah,mubaraq,fatZ,farha,izyan,reza,ilyana.love you all!! azi, even if you're a butch(er),[inside joke.but she's straight, really.] i love you! haha. thanx for being the short [yes she's shorter than me! =D] little mak nenek that you are! ; )

so many things have happened since i last spent hari raya with them. like ilyana's said, there's been a lot of changes.. from looks to intelligence and even to personality. some drift apart, some get closer to others. even feelings change. right b?

sometimes, i don't even know where i belong. even when im with you

just when i thought things were fine

2004-11-26T10:54:00.000+08:00

ohhhh...the madness of it all.. everyone is idol crazy at the moment. either it's sly guy or taufik the suave crooner..of course, im all about taufik. =) i was bloghopping, when i chanced upon a blog which had taufik as the skin. it was oh-so-fab!

www.sans-vous.diary-x.com

everyone's goin about, askin for tickets too. haiz. i must admit, i've gotten the taufik fever. so GO TAUFIK!! woooohooo

damn, he's sooo fine. oh yeah. he's pic's frm www.singaporeidol.com/

vondutch condies?

2004-11-25T21:47:00.000+08:00

ok.so maybe princess diaries 2 wasnt as bad as i'd thought it'd be. but it's still cheesy k. n don't u think praising me, spooning me with all kinds of compliments in front of them would ever make me forget what you said to me that time. nu-uh. no way.

ANYWAY.

DID YOU KNOW? that von dutch has their own condoms? yup. believe it or not, baby. check it out here: http://www.vondutch.com/pl/c/34.html

n it costs US$10 for 4 pieces..sheesh. i'd take durex chocolate anytime. haha. =P

why do you have to go for so long. its been like what..2months? bleargh~

mamee monsters, liarism and princess diaries 2. eew

2004-11-25T13:43:00.000+08:00

so now you know. now i've finally blown up and told you. don't go telling me you don't deserve this cos u do. now you know the truth, don't you? that should keep your mouth shut for awhile. and don't think the terat will be a bargain for me to not stay mad at you. you were goddamn insincere all along. all these while. you've nw given me a reason to hold a grudge against you. n nw i've lost my trust in everyone. thanx to you. n o btw, i don't give a shit about your cash. if that's what you think of me all along. ptooi.

everything just has to be about you, doesnt it? fancy you calling me selfish and self-centered. sheesh! i would have gave a thought about that if it came out of someone else's mouth. but not yours.

happy belated 20 3rd syg! u know i love u. =)

3more weeks.wtf.

minah tappered?!

2004-11-21T02:02:00.000+08:00

smlm tgh turun bus, skali some bunch of bdk2 taik called me minah tappered. at 1st ingt diorg kol org lain.skali toleh2 tkda org lagi xcept one apek n an indian boy.lerr..my jeans r NOT TAPPERED k.theyre jz like any other ordinary straight cut jeans.mata tu bukak besar2 siket la boy.haha.kekek seh.minah tappered la yang aku kena.haish.

my adik's hari rya concert yest was pretty ok.mknn dia..fuyoooh.power la.mcm potluck ah.gerek2.tak sangka yg my sister is a pretty ok malay dancer.haha.that diet-obsessed girl.haha.then me n mum met my mum's old schmate.wahh.anak2 dia nama style sey. one's called nikita freda. the mother damn cute la.so kecoh.power.

to shahira [my sis's fren]: bilang abg no thanks k. =)

tadi gi jln2 lagi.tgh2 we went to this kedai kereta.nmpk aaron aziz.turns out he work as a car dealer part time..asal? acting pun tak berbaloi jgk ke? tpi dia tk sombong sgt la.but yg gerek is tt, the car dealer there kasi bdk2 smua duit raya sey. 5 each plak tu. haha. worth spendin 2h there man. =D kaya seh.kalo kita strangers je dpt 5, anak2 dia dpt brapa??

n nw i realise kadang2 kawin muda sgt..tk gerek ah.like my sedare.tulah.tk tahan nafsu ek? nak sgt kawin.umur baru 18.laki ko 30.ishhh! nw 20 da ade anak 2. oleh kerana deprived of enjoyment, ko gi joli n leave ur kids at ur prnts place, tk blk.apa daaaa.anak tu cute sey! realli mcm baby doll. i like.. =)

went to nur's place tadi.all the bombardment began..OUCH. oh well. nasib la aku kena once a yr je.bt it was nice talkin to her.[not her parents.they freak me out =S] she n her bf ahh..so sweet la! =)

smngt diary nmpk? haha. i cnt wait to c them b.haha. n yes, im happy here.celup forever!!! =P

ooh..a malay-ish entry..nice chg.

puffy eyed doll [KL robbed me]

2004-11-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

the past few days have been pretty eventful. well for one thing, he's back!!! =) well he WAS back ah. on Mon [15.11.04] evening. i was like estatic.over the top.elated.

on Tues, [16.11.04] we didnt haf the annual third day raya cousin shopping spree cos most of the kakak2 had to work. HMMPH~ so i just hung out with K.Nur after meetin him. sooooo happy.. *grinZ* he followed me with K.Nur too. haha. swensens was AWESOME. we shopped around lookin for mummy's present. which reminds me: HAPPY BELATED 39TH BIRTHDAY IBU!! LOVE YOU! [17.nov] i doubt she likes the present.

yesterday, [17.11.04]was mummy's birthday. didn't meet him cos he had to visit his relatives..haiz. i spent the day at hm.my maid's gone btw.so im back to maid-mode now. =S dammit. had a pretty rough day yesterday.. ='( just wanna apologize to you n YOU.

you, u misunderstood me. just want you to know, im no robot.im no stuffed toy.u can't just keep pouring it out to me, i'd burst cos i dont have anywhere to channel those negative stuffs to.and you think so negatively that u dont even think about how YOU hurt ME b4. i went thru all those things u went thru years ago.n nobody knew about it.not even you.n here u are complaining about it to me.i'll always be here to keep listening to you..but ive got nothing left to say..
to YOU, gosh, i can't believe i did that stupid thing again..i noe ive said so many times that you probably think it's insincere, but im sorry k.i let myself down yest too. it was an impulsive act.. i shouldnt haf given in to my emotions.but i was partly disappointed too.but nothing i or we can do to turn back time..what's done is done.. ='( sorry..

today, is a verrry happy sad day. it started out sad, cos yeah, he's goin off.back to that screwed up KL [no offence to any m'sians. no, its not cos i hate KL or its ppl. (actualy i lurrrrve kl.haha.can shop n c my relatives there)seriously.i dun literally hate it] but KL robbed me of the one person that knew exactly what was happening to me. the one person who knew how messed up i really was inside when i was practically bouncing with joy on the outside.the only person who knew (and heard) hw freakin hard i cried while i was tryin my darn best to smile on the outside(until i burst out).now he's gone again.longer than ever this time.i had to wait 3fuckin wks to c him jz for 1 freakin day.n nw he's off to kiss KL's ass for like a whole mth.bleargh~ screw the early morning today man. BUT thank god for my pals to distract me n make me smile, really smile, today. =) to noneh n marsie, who took a taxi alllll the wayy to my hse jz to be on time. [so touched la! haha] n to nisah asri shikin reza n shahidah who woke up so early jz to make it to my hse in the morng n temankn me on my journey wif u guys. hugs to u ppl. n oh! of couse, hugs go to my 3 male escorts who sent me home n visited my hm at nite: aimran n the 2 IMs.haha.thanx guys. n to sadiq, hazwani, fatinnur izzah, ms yati n fam, i had a great time too. =) syidz, farha, fatZ (and B!) wish u guyz were there.. today's jalan raya was pretty messy and a bit haywire..but who cares i had fun aniwae.altho finding ms yati's hse was pure torture.pity hana.her shoes hurt real bad.n messa's bondage shoes are to-die-for!! i like! and asri and shahidah haf the most adorable siblings.n shik'z siblings r jz clones of her past n future.seriously.they're like mini n mega shikins.its freakily cool.haha.

my deepest condolences to Wiwi, whose dad left on 091104 to be with Allah s.w.t. once again.. god bless his soul. hope u'll be ok, Wi.take care.if there's anything u need, all ur buddies are here.. =)

coming soon...[lagi brapa jam je]

2004-11-15T02:00:00.000+08:00

so...hws ur 1st day of raya ppl? heheh. mine was a new one. i mean, we dont do the usual vist-house plan. got chg of plans today..bt nvmla.the money stil did roll in. [hell yeah, i love u mum n dad, nenek n datuk, paman mat n bik yat n of cos, cik usop!!] saw some ppl i thot i wldnt c on e 1st day of raya..like cik fandi (sp?) n nek leha n her sharifah aini..lol. (inside joke) thank u too all my relatives.. =) n to those who 4got to give me $, nvm. dere's stil ovr 3wks left of raya-ing to go. hehe.

n tt poor fella, he got only like 30RM for the whole day..OUCH. haha

n B!!! we've only got a few hrs to go..til ur BACK!!! wooohooo~ to hell with my mat motor scandal [FOR NOW]. haha. (another inside joke)

klah aku nak tido.bsk 2nd round for my dads..haha.boyan family.KONFEM KECOH. bt gerek. family bonding... i like!!

it isn't too hard to see...we're in heaven...

2004-11-14T11:48:00.000+08:00

oh n i jz wanna make a last thank you to alllll my frens who sent me countless smses n to zahir!!! yeah he's the only fella who sent me a kad raya!!! =D i miss that fella.

selamat hari raya to u too b..maaf zahir dan batin..wish u were here..but ur family needs u more..come back soon~ =) then we can go buy a tent!!! yayness

klah. im finally going off to go jalan2 n collect money. =P travel carefully ppl!!!! bye2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!!

2004-11-14T09:00:00.000+08:00

wahhh.da raya!! tho this ramadan isnt exactly the funnest or the bestest one, n i dun feel the same excitement s i did for the past yrs (evryone's feelg tt way diz yr..y ah?), im still glad tt syawal is finaly here.no more cravings or dieting or batal-ing puasa.hehe.its time to gain that fat back!! haha.i jz want to apologize for everything that ive done to hurt ur feelings, whether it was intentional or unintentional. in other words. MAAF ZAHIR BATN. haha. yest geylang was soooo packed. reached hm at 2. bt it was fun. =) i felt like buying more baju raya.bt..nvm.so selamat hari raya korang.n may we see who gets more duit collection k. hehe

n oh, happy birthday to farhan (mamat) n rafeeq. 18 n 16 respectively.
n happy 13mths(i think) to farhan (mamat) n his darling liena!!! =)
god bless the both of ya.oh n erm..rafeeq too.bwahahah.

yeah, tt guy smsed me in the morning jz so tt i cld sms him happy bday..WEIRD~ bt oh well. hu cares?? SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI KEPADA SEMUA UMAT ISLAM!!

o-oh.bom da meletop

2004-11-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

I GOT A DAMN PIMPLE OR BISUL OR TEMBEL OR WHATEVER U CALL IT IN MY GODDAMN EYE. n fuck it hurts like hell. its not tembel la, cos it doesnt pop out like a tembel does (or maybe not yet) bt its so OUCH. tot it was my contacts, bt even when i took it out, it hurt. n evrytym i put eyemo, man, i feel like crying man.literally.cos it bloody hurts. shikz, was ur eye like this last time? it hurts each time i blink. ='(

B, u sound extremely hyperly happy today. =) well i am too. can't wait til ur back.. ~~i chg my mind abt the tent btw.sorry!~~

mum, tkmo bobal farfetched sgt la k.im not getting married yet. not until im 23 or wat. so dont deep-talk too much to me k.ur jz freakin me out.elyn jadi anak dara tua baru tau.haha.ishk.nono.dat would be so sad.i wld be dprived then.haha.

last day of ramadan tomorrow..wow. a yr passes by so fast, a mth even faster. thank you god for blessing us all.I LOVE YOU!

gasps oh no!!!!!!

2004-11-12T11:30:00.000+08:00

OMG.

IBU!!! U DIDNT TELL ME U WERE GONNA TAKE MY REPORT BOOK AT SCH!!! IM SUPPOSED TO COME ALONG!! DAMMIT. mane fair?!?! pls dun let mr KCtan come n lecture abt my maths pls.tho hes like my eng tchr.n pls dun talk abt me cabut-ing class la pls.or skipping sch on tt day of bird park.SHITTT.mr yong nak lecture can ah..he doesnt evn noe me.mampos ah kene torture nanti. "ELYN!! ASAL MASIH TAK BLAJA 4 UR REEXAMS?! U BETTER PASS EH!!". "kau tak serik2 eh? cikgu kau ckp kalau emaths pun kau fail kau masok ite tau tak! name jer special stream.hmmph"

suddenly i feel sick all over again..

gross

2004-11-12T11:14:00.000+08:00

i had the most excruciating stomachache ever, early this morning. it was definitely not those monthly cramps i tell ya. so much so that i had to puke twice..n everytg tt came out was black, cos of the lauk Sotong Hitam or whatever that i ate earlier. yuck~ BUT i feel better now. =) it must haf been those disgusting mussels that i ate. i mean everyone's mussels were orange.i had this one which was plain white.and i stupidly ate it.

and nana, sorry i can't go with you to the john little sale..or maybe i will.shall ask my dad later.and c if my tummy is getting beter.

and fatT, i cant believe ur extending it!! u told me 1st day tau!!!hmmph.i swear im gonna luff at ur new haircut. [which is like the 3rd in jz a few mths.sheesh]

and mum, i confess.i ate some of those kuihs. heez. =D

and to everyone else.. LAGI 2 HARI JE PUASA!!! WOOOOOHOO.

yessa!!!

2004-11-10T15:36:00.000+08:00

u can see my title now don't you? i know u cannn...haha

***jOy To ThE wOrLd***

i wanna c if this works

2004-11-10T14:29:00.000+08:00

mum!!! r u losing faith in us? whoever said we're losing interest in each other?? NO WAY!!! im still stuck in the world of lurrrve la.haha.dun worry. =)

n naz, thanx for the help.bt i tried it jz now.it wasnt working. =S

mamamutton & juicyboi : PARTNERS IN CRIME

2004-11-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

to messa n shahidah n shikz: i got contacts!!! thnx 4 ur advice n stuff ppl. =) 091104: my 1st tym wearing contacts. at 15yrs, 9mths n 1 wk old. hw slow cld i get huh? of cos the lens got stuck in my left eye when i cldnt get it out at the shop.realy sory to the salesgrl who had to take it out fer me. =D mummy got one too. same color s 1 of mine. [like mother like daughter pe..]

headed to gylg wif nish nonny n shah jz nw.met cheesyboy yet again at hajah maimunah.. haha. man, that was one helluva cheesy grin he gave me.haha.ohwells.

4 of us were so called 'conned' by the partners in crime: mr MamaMutton n Juicyboi. hmmph. ppl hu come to haig rd to break fast r so naive (that includes US) theres this godfather-looking short indian man who will show u free seats tt r available for u in tt bustling hawker center, n mamamutton will lead e way 4 u.little did u noe, s soon s u settle ur ass on tt rigid chair, he'll slam his brown paper on e table, swish out his pen, n mutter some gibberish: "nak apa? muttonchop, chickenchop, mee kuah, mee goreng, nasi goreng ikan bilis..nanti 5minit sblum buka saya bawak sini mari" n it all happens so fast, that ur left gaping at one another. n when u say u'll dcide later, he'd shut up.then comes his accomplice juiceboi. "lai.wat jus u want? apper jus. olin jus. watermeler jus?" ok. now we're limited to juices.tadi indian food. so juiceboi goes off with our order.then..WHAM! MMmutton's back with the brwn ppr, slamming it with his black fist on the table. "so mau apa? muttonchop, chickenchop, mee kuah, mee goreng, nasi goreng ikan bilis.." (he repeats e same crap) so mch for lettin us dcide.SHEESH. so nish reluctantly mumbles chicken chop, shahid babbles mutton chop while hana ridiculously asks for nasi ayam (that grl is cockblur i tell u.haha) n he suddenly assumes every1 else wants muttonchop. "OK! 1 CHICKEN CHOP 3 MUTTON CHOP!" asshead. i cancelled my order, n victoriously (being e only 1 hu didnt order his crappy food) headed to order meehongkie tht was 615pm.

6.20pm. after much bitching abt him, nonny calls out to MM.Mutton to cancel her order. "mana boleh? itu makan sudah siap. tak boleh lahh. takda apa. itu banyak BAGUS!!" n he flashes a pearly wite smile n a waves a thumbs up in her face. how convincing.LIAR.then we realised how so many other ppl haf fallen into their trap.whenever MMmutton leads these innocent customers, juiceboi will trail along n dese ppl haf nothin else to do but jz order under extreme pressure.helpless victims, we are.

6.35: here he comes, with the chops. "eh kata lagi 5 minit baru nak hantar!" shah and nish are furious. so is nonny. "ey man.nanti sejuk ah makanan kita" he smiles a sinister one, " abeh sudah siap cepat!!", triumphant that he's got us.

6.53: the food has gone cold. its finally time to eat.i collect my yummy meehongkie. n takes a huge bite.ITS MASINNNNN!!!! ='( so mch for being victorious.. haiz.n soon MMmutton comes back, leading a couple to share seats with us.turns out, they're not an item.apparently the boy is a replica of fahmimi. speaks with slang and giggles.

7.20: we're off! in search of shah's dengdeng.nonny falls in love with the wheel crackers.hence we beckon to an apek whom we assume is deaf for he ignored us.nvm.bt she changed her mind when we all saw that tempting brownie, which we budgetly shared n took turns biting and relishing its yumminess. =) oooh. n nish n i spotted gayboy no.2. n ppl, checkout the white guy tryna prmote some "inevitable kazakhstan (sp?) cake". humorous fella.

7.40?: we found deng2! shah n nish eagerly bought it only to find out tt its so rubbery, pale-colored n not crispy.looks like its boiled rather then grilled.eew~ cheated by another fellow hawker yet again.what luck man. n on our way back to joo chiat (while nonny was buying the wheel crackers frm the deaf apek who finally talked) i spotted afroman (the big guy with kembang lion hair selling baju krg near e traffic lyt) staring at nish's ass n rubbg his moustche.act of horniness maybe? ultimate grossness.

had a gr8 tym w/ em overall. =D n i saw asb!! trauma-rama.klah.long ntry alrdy.bye2.

b!!! 4more days!!!! yay!!!! [163208579] ->gee. more lyk a barcode no to me.

for love or for money

2004-11-07T20:19:00.000+08:00

how the hell do i edit my template so that my title for all my entries appear? PLEASE HELP ME

6days of fasting left n evrytg is ready yet unorganized (huh?). mumndad, u noe wat i mean. geez ppl, i wish u'd act like adults, sumtyms. (o btw cn we pls put e new cordless fone in my rm? i'll be nicer to u i promise. =D )

o the joy of hari raya..whee!! altho, this yr is e most unmeriah-ing one ever.dont know exactly y.myb its cos i jz hv 2 sad baju raya.. =( or myb its cos i didnt get any kad raya. or myb cos we only bake 1 kuih raya (cos e damn oven screwed up)..or bcos he's nt here..or cos i haf to tink of reexams..(which i havent started at all)

still, i cant wait for the cash. =P n the annual cousins'-day-out raya shopping trip. =D

n pls help me dcide: shld i get 1mth of contacts or hair dye? i want both, bt nw tgh budget ah.

7days n counting (down) b!! yayness-

CCTV?!

2004-11-05T22:29:00.000+08:00

DID U HEAR? ALL SCHOOLS R GONNA HAV CAMERAS INSTALLED!
alamak.hw to cabot sey nw.no more sneaking ard, tryg to do indecent stuff w/o getting caught.haha.DAMMIT.

my sis is so obnoxious.jz bcos she lost a few kg shes pretendg to b oblivious to it, n goes "eh? hw come my pants r so loose nw? it wasnt like this last tym, yknoww," GEEZ. like we don't notice u sneaking into mum n dads room evry nw n then to get on the weighing scale huh? dumbass. haha.no, i am not jealous, cos for sum1 who didnt cut down on the eating, n lived like a couch potato for the past 20+ days, i lost one kg. XD big achievement for the fatass me.heez~

n my grandad is such a high-tech wannabe that he's getting lessons frm me on hw to send a PICTURE MESSAGE.wakakaka.all he needs is a color hp n some cool funky shades. i stil tink its so cute to c him strain himself to type one short little sms. hehe. yupp, thats my 70 yr-old grandad. =D

B, if only u were here.. *sobz*

2004-11-05T01:15:00.000+08:00

M, i thot we talked abt this b4. n pls dun go blaming S abt this. my results haf got nothing to do with that. its happened wayy b4 diz happened.i hate it when u n D bring up diz matter.n btw, i dun giv a fuck in hell (for nw at least) abt wat u do to D.i mean u whine to me, bt i cant do the same to u.so wats e point? nwae, u've been sayin the same shit to me for YEARS.bt does it hapen? NO. so til then, keep whining.i'll jz nod n try to say some nice things.dun worry, im sincere.i jz wish u cld do e same to me.sadly u cant.i guess im no use to u xcept to listen to u whine.oh well.

B2, y r u soooo diff tonyt? gosh. ur frustratingly annoying. SILENCE IS GOLDEN HUH? go kiss yourself.ur no longer B2 frm nw on. hmmph! :(

B(1), pls im suffering here.. *soBz*

sayoceanisdead?! =D

2004-11-04T14:27:00.000+08:00

girl meets boy .girl likes boy. boy dont know about girl. boy liked other girls. girl dont care. girl moves on to other boys too. boy stil oblivious. years passed. boy notices girl. girl grew to hate boy. boy likes girl. girl disgusted. girl ignores. boy tried moving on. boy gives up. girl bothers not one bit about boy.girl flirts with many other boys. boy thinks boy should give it another try. girl finally talks to boy. girl realised girl was wrong about boy. girl refuses to fall in love with boy.(well at least girl tried to) boy and girl got closer. girl finally fell in love with boy (as much as she tried to resist, but to no avail.) girl and boy now happier than ever. girl sumtyms think it weird to fall for boy but when girl thinks of reasons why girl should not love boy, girl realises theres none. boy tinks boy is lucky to have girl. sumtyms girl thinks boy lying. but girl shrugs off that feeling. as weird as it could be, girl loves boy anyway. boy loves girl too.

something i thought of. haha.

if yesterday it was raining hamsters and rabbbits (or whatever animals they were) today, holy cow, its raining komodo dragons and rhinos. a fierce huge downpour it is out there.

2004-11-03T14:17:00.000+08:00

11 days till its raya..11 days till i get my money.. =D

ellowww!! today abg kamal's granddaddy passed away.. innalillah.. may he rest in peace.

sooo...today its raining rabbits and hamsters, so im stayin at hm.its rainin every single day these days..still havent studied fer reexam..bt nvm.will do that later.i tink.yest was nice.buka at rumah paman mat.paman is was dere too.nice..then paman is came over to our hse.then my prnts, him n i, we talked abt benda2 ghaib (supernatural stuffs) n death.. creepy man..bt it's so gerek hw they haf such cool shows in indonesia.. (thats where paman is lives, btw) so many scary tings..ishkkk..of course, in turn, at nite i slept with the door open.. teehee. altho they say ghosts arent around during ramadan n all..bt..i jz wanna be on the safe side. =D he's goin hm this fri/sat.. haiz.

n did u noe, after centuries decades n eons, i finally stepped into: JURONG BIRD PARK. whee!! yeah diz is so the criter basi cos it happened last thursday, bt nvm. pathetic ah, cos we were there for only 2h or so..and we had to do this megadumb maths trail. bt wat i loved most was goin to the jurong falls!!! wahhhh... so pretty..reminded of pahang man.god knows why i was so super hyped abt going there (unline my other mates), i went to school just for that.haha.

oklah.donno y i wanna talk abt birdpark all of a sudden (gian burung ke? wahahah. ishk.im fasting.) =P

11days till ur back too.gosh i cant wait.

my sister is a sucky lil brat.

2004-11-01T18:44:00.000+08:00

dammit i hate my sis.for nw.i wish she'd stay 3 or 4 forever. that way i'd love her cos she looks cute. jz shut ur trap n go bathe la k.u wanna be e nxt azhar or wat? n stop mumbling crap b4 i poke ur titless chest.haha.nwae which 9yr old is obsessed with dieting huh? only that brat. who nak step BONGKAR MY FUCKING BAG. u mofo. even i m not obsessed over dieting. at 9yrs old i was so into skipping n makin my own 'clubs' haha.n catching spiders n making mini notebook shops.haha.farha shld noe tt well.we'd draw robots n dresses in books. n 'sell' it to frens who want to buy those items.then we'd juz make another copy of watever crap they want on a piece of scrap paper n give them.haha.childhood days..

tgkla budak2 skrg, kecik2 da nak slim2, da nak melawa..umur baru brape..ishk3. ape nak jadi.. =P

screw qisti.

love u sis. =D

blue blue day

2004-11-01T18:22:00.000+08:00

another disappointing day.. this is the toughest malay paper ive EVER DONE.seriously, altho its juz MALAY, i find it sooo goddamn freakin difficult. n god knows why they put a damnit 4h break in btween the 2 papers. i can go all the way hm and back k. (n fyi, my sch is FAAAR frm hm) i alrdy got the format a little bit mixed up for paper 1.i wrote trash for my sec B(which i actually thot was pretty gd at first. stupid me). bt nvm. its over. thank god for my hilarious frens: shikin syidah wiwi hana messa n of course, the ever so stinky azhar. *pinches nose* i swear he's got a major b.o man. n y? cos he didnt bathe nor brushed his teeth diz morng!!! eeeeee. kes bgn lmbt la. haha. apek kopet. yuckO. bt he's such a joker, he cracks the fuck out of me.n hana was so blurcock tadi.nyahahah.another lil funny one.paper 2 was another major killer.all i can say is god pls help me get a distinction for diz paper pls. or i shall wallow in the deepest depths of misery. cos this is the only ppr i can get an A for. n i dont wanna imagine wat hml wil be like for me nxt yr. *shudders*

to top it off, he left today. yup. so that means i shall whine like a sick bitch for the nxt 2wks.bear with me.pretty much sums up the gloomy day.. gloomy weather, horrible paper, n nw this. haizzzz. was tryg my utmost best to smile n cheer up. thanx to my frens who made it easier for me. =) i owe u guys one man.altho hana n syidah owe me 3bux for fatz's present.=P hahaha.bt nvm abt tt.

14 days huh? ouch. its gonna be tougher this time.. so its 1 day (n counting) today..13 left to go..
jauh di mata dekat di hati ~

oh. i saw a heeuge spider web wif a heeuge spider on it in sch today.outside dnt 1st floor. on the tree.u cant miss it.go check it out.size of my palm.slightly bigger.beautiful thing.ok.selamat berbuka.

2004-10-27T05:53:00.000+08:00

oh no..nw i HAVE to go to sch.dammit.
b.sory abt yest.bt i hope u cld c it in my positn too.bt let it b over.i dun wanna screw anytg up b4 u go.
I AM NOT RETAINED!! pls clear any rumours u have been hearing abt ME.hmmph.bt mummys gotta come dwn to get my rport bk on fri.dang.oh well.i gotta study amaths nw.for reexam.to helllll wif physics.kc tan says wif my pathetic e8 grade for emaths i myt s well go to ite.cos evn wif an a2 n b3 for my languages, theres not mch place i cn go to in poly. =( sad sad situation..

2004-10-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

~~ey damn la ie n blogger.y so hard to update!?!? nabeyyy~~

oooh wee.today was fab.went shoppg wif fatT n messa.hehe.gr8 fun.mesS was temptg me n fatT to break fast jz like tt.hmmph! jz bcos Ur not fastg!!! haha. anihoos i had a blast at bugis n town. met hana n her madra fren along the way. poor babe. tt grl had a headache ryt smack in the middle of a makeover at red earth!! tell her get well soon hana.tryin on shades, lookin at good, ogling at lingerie, haha (n i saw faie!! i think.haha =P )it was so fun.altho fatT was ever so paisey to be in evn near us grls durg the lingerie session.wahahah. he was disgusted yet amazed at our shopping enthusiasm.well a grl's gotta do some justice to shopping rite? haha. i jz dun get y guys haf more interest in soccer, PK, lan games, DIGIMON (tsk3)n wrestling when theres SHOPPING. =)sumthin i can nvr fathom..hmm..oh well.b4 we went hm the 3 of us took neopics.haha.damn e shopkeepers for puttg a TINY LITTLE notice on e machine to tel us to touch n choose e pics we wana deco BEFORE goin to e front to deco it.hmmph.thanx to e CHIJ grls for tellin us tt.tho it was too late by e time we found out. :D hehe. so of cos, e dammit machine took e 1st snapshot of us. where we i looked like i was laughing n suffering frm constipation @ e same time. n messa looked like she jz saw sylvester stallone nude standin b4 her n fatT looked like mr manhunt + ms universe bimbo tak menjadi.hahahah.hilarious i tel u.n silly me for trying to deco 1 of e pics n ending up placing 2 layers of pink wigs on fatT's head.n not knowin hw to erase em.(n evn if i did, id pretend i didnt noe. hahaha) hey he was e one who looked closest to a sane human being in e pic k.it wldnt b fair to me n messa.haha.shall post it up if i can get it scanned asap.wasted $9 cos of tt. =P so we took anothr 2 rounds of card pics.this tym: MUCH BETTER. n thank god e machine spoke english. haha. day well spent i must say.haha. apart frm the two of them being 30 WHOLE MINUTES late. altho i lived e furthest.n oh! b4 i forgot. i was SUCH AN IDIOT.i actually took e wrg train hm for the 1st time. haha. i was flabbergasted wen i ended up at city hall back again when i was supposed to be in toa payoh by then.guess diz iz was fastg does to ur brain.(or shld i say pure stupidity)heheh. n gues who i met on e way hm? none other than my old flame, mr loverboi, RINO!! hahah =PpP lucky we chatted 4 a while je b4 he left 4 work.i swear my hrt was beatg so fast w/ pure joy tt i cldnt breathe. =P he blew me away with tt toungue pierce.. =P hahahah. 4 those hu duno im bein awfully SARCASTIC.klah me shall go to dreamland.slept 4 4.5h je today.so gdnite!!

b.im jz s sared s u r abt diz.nvr had 2 go thru sch a thg lyk diz b4.bt haf faith in me k.jz lyk hw im believg in u..n i oe we'll mak it thru. *prays hard*

2004-10-24T17:29:00.000+08:00

i am speechless. gosh, u amaze me.. its s if u cn read my mind yet ur nt evn here. thanx for that lil thing. made my day

2004-10-24T17:05:00.000+08:00

the nearer it is to u leaving, the further u are to me..n ur not even gone yet =(

i love that song: Locked Up.. Akon ft Styles P.. wooohooo

happy fasting to one and all.

2004-10-23T01:20:00.000+08:00

oh! n happy 5mths to firdaus and *r** *winkz* keep it going u two!! =)

happy 23rd!!

2004-10-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

finally here!! 23rd!! helll yeahh! hehe. wow. october's been a real tuff one huh? esp with the recent incident.. =/ bt im so super glad tt u stood by me..thru each n every step i took u were by my side. =) gotta love u fer that..bt dang, i still cant get kl out of my head..haiz..bt its ok..i noe it'll be fine..

Can somebody explain to me
Why everybody is trying to be
Living like a celebrity
Doing what they see on MTV.
Ice is cool but I am looking for more, simple things is what my heart beats for.

Cause its me
I don't ask for much
Baby Having you is enough

[Chorus]You ain't got to buy nothing
It's not what I want
Baby it's You
We don't have to go nowhere
Its not what I want
Baby it's you
It's not for what you got
Cause I know you got a lot
No matter what you do
You always gettin Hot
It's You,It's You
Baby all I want is You Yeah

[Verse 2]It don't matter that your car is fly
And your rims are spinning on the side and
It don't matter where we go tonight
Cause if I'm with you I'll be alright.
That's cool but I'm lookin for more
Its your love that my heart beats for.

Cause thats me
Don't have to spend a dime
BabyI just want your time.

[chorus]

2004-10-22T17:25:00.000+08:00

heloooo world. =) after countless of pirated cds i finally got my hands on the original sims. =D but imran!! i cant play from hot date onwards... waaaaa =( haish. i haf to uninstall n reinstall evrytg back.hmmph. missin my boo. i cant wait for tmrw!!!! altho i doubt i'll be seein you. or on sunday.or the day after that.geez.bless kl.bleargh~

2004-10-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

~~ey babi aku da tulis panjang2 abeh nak screw up pulak. hmmph.~~

ok. life is in such a mess. gawd, i partly wish i could walk right out of it drama-mama mess. haish. DO NOT question me if i turn up with puffy eyes tmrw k ppl. or STARE either. hate that. results were horrible of course. physics.emaths.amaths. F9. chemistry. e8. english. (without oral) b3. THANK GOD. sorry for disappointing you mum n dad. yeah. this is still your daughter (the one that scored 258 for her dammit PSLE 3years ago) i noe..hard to believe ainnit mum? well u bet its real. guess this is another pile of shit i juz gave u.to pile with the rest of the crap so far..haiz..sorry.n to him too.sorry.for yet another guilt gut butt-in. oh u noe wat i mean.(?) haiz. i noe i sounded super selfish.bt u noe hw i feel rite? i mean 12days was hard enuff. diz gonna be 2wks! then another 5-7days. and another 2wks. THATS REALLY EASY ON ME. haiz. u've every rite to be disappointed and devastated bt 2 things that i really wish u wld not bring up is HIM.and SCH. i mean he has got nothing to do with this cos he's wayyy more hardworking than i am.i mean he actually bothers to complete his 10yr series or whatever. in like 2-3mths? practice writing compos everyday for abt 2wks? read the dictionary to expand vocab? yeah.thats him if u'd like to noe.NOT ME.he's also responsible for pushing me to go further n not giving up halfway.which i almost did.more than once.so thank him for that.~~and for dolls.and the fags.~~oh yeah.~~n he should thank me for the booze.~~
hey fatT thanx for the hometrip yeah? i swear i shall beat u to that dumb handphone game soon!! haha. u jz wait n see. =)

so maybe i'll get retained.i dont noe..though it looks like it frm the results ive been producing. theyre right. no point crying. no point regretting. i jz need an A desperately for hml.pls pls pls.i had a really3 bad day today..no make that bad 2weeks.haiz...

jz in case i dun get to blog tmrw: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIKZ!!! hope ure gonna dig wat me n farha haf for u.. *winkz* n no, its not a bunny-suit dun u worry abt that.haha.

billy, i shall beat ur ass in eng.haha. although u beat me in amaths emaths and godknows what else. haha.

2004-10-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

i cant slp.aft nt being in sch for 6days (yeah its as if im on a term break huh? saje je tk gi skl yest n today)bt cant go today.cos of the problem.yest cos i was too lazy.heheh.n tmrw.the end of the world part II for me. EXAM RESULTS. *aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!* elyn panics n screams n takes a gulp of benadryl* =) gosh..wat if i fail more than 4subjs..i am so so so dead.so staying back.i guess id rather haf the news told earlier like wat happened to amirah than having to find out later.altho bof ways it sucks.bt pls let me get at least a b3 for ml n eng..pls pls pls pretty pls.

ey y m i begging here nwae? wats done is done.too bad fer me. =/ well i'll go to slp. m having cramps nw. due to nervousness? dun tink so.

ive lost *shin*, feels like i lost *em* cos i cant 'talk' to *em* no more, im at my wits' end..so m i losing you? "or have i already lost u without noticing it..i cant take it anymore.."

so long world.im off to force myself to catch some Z's.got my net ready.oh gosh that was a laaaame one.haha.cya!!

2004-10-19T15:53:00.000+08:00

oh god. been so long since i updated..my life is in such a HEEUGE mess.. so much has happened in the past two days that i jz cant say em up here.. to fatT, sorry for everything. i got u involved in sucha mess..haiz. to M,im so so sorry for always disappointing u..after all tt u've done to me, this is hw i 'repay' u..i felt realy5 sad when u broke down in front of him..haiz.im sorry..bt i jz wish u'd c in my positn..that if i cant evn share my feelings wif u, who else can i turn to? i dun haf frenz tt r close enuff..they haf their own best frens n their own probs to deal wif..n if i dun haf fatT, who else? bt u said i gave u so much troub when i told u my stuff..well im sorry.n i understand that u've lost ur trust in me n him.n thnx for not bring up the matter to D. shal try my best not to bother u again. nana, thanx for giving me the shoulder to cry on yest.n the tissue too. =) yes i owe u big time.if u weren't there yest, i dono what i'd do.n to cik ijah.thanx for inviting us to buka puasa there yest.or i wld've been in bigger shit if u hadn't distracted her. love u all so much. whats gonna happen to me, whats gonna happen to US? =(

2004-10-14T14:18:00.000+08:00

b. im so disappointed in you.. :( u said u wanted one, i sacrificed my time jz so that i cld follow u go all the way, bt nw ur giving up jz like that!? haiz. u shldn't haf done that b. :( haiz~

2004-10-13T19:21:00.000+08:00

fuck it man. life is a living nightmare. just when i thought the exams are over and tt i'd get a peace of mind, here comes the mutherfcking probs again. in the end i didnt even get to spend time wif my frenz. im sorry u guyz... haiz. nasib baik jgk aku tk gi celebrate dgn dorang, cos if not i'd nvr haf had the time to follow fatT to the interview. he cldn't even find the place man. n he was so freakin nervous. dalah gitu, we wantd to go lucky plaza we got lost thanx to me and ended up at harbourfront. geez. nak cepat plak tu. then jz when we were abt to finish eating mum called. ada prob. lepas tu... there goes all the kecohness...

aku side sini, sana maki hamun. aku side sana, sini kecik hati. KORANG NAK AKU BUAT APE SKARANG!? for whatever way i behaved, bear in mind, half of it i picked up from u two.indirectly n directly.aku nak marah sana, aku takut.tapi kalau aku tk talk some sense into him, sini bising, ckp dia stress.n tt im not helping.i mean for fuck's sake, wattafish do u expect out of me sia.im only 15.n when it comes to positive things, oh, im too young for this n that. bt bila gini macam, "kau da besar tau lyn.do sumthing abt it la.kalau tk bilang kau nk bilang saper lagi?stress tau.do ur part ah.kau kena tegas sikit." nabey la. korang dua2 sama. bila part gini, semua carik aku.bila da baik balik, aku jgk yg kena. ~~ni lah melepaskan anjing tersepit. bt in this case its more than one dog.hmmph.~~ yg si dektu pun satu.wahhhh..bila aku nak tegas ckp aku kurangajar, eh TENGOK DIRI SENDIRI DULU LAH! slama ni yg kurangajar sape? diri sendiri tk smbyg..jgn nk ckp sal kurangajar dgn aku la.tak tau malu.u call urself a ******.pantat kau la.sumtyms i fucking wish that IT wld happen. no more sandiwara.evry yr its the same fucking piece of shit.aku da naik jelak tau tak.k. thats one prob.

fatT told me sumthing tt he heard frm asb's classmate.in the first place i dun evn noe tt grl well.i noe asb's classmate thru my cca dulu.tu pun aku rasa tk penah bobal dgn dia la.tapi asal dia bobal pasal tu kat fatT? mesti asb nye pasal la ni.tak happy dgn aku.abeh nak backstab.sialla.ape aku buat sia?aku tak carik pasal kan? tak gado kan? aku tak rapat langsung dgn dia abeh ntah ape dia nk spread pasal aku.bt then again myb its not asb.bt then again..sape lagi kalau bukan asb? aku tak rapat dgn tt chinese grl at all..tk bobal pun!!haiz.n to think tt asb smiles at me when she sees me.eurgh.bt im not blaming asb yet.until i noe the truth.n nw he's scared tt diz wil be a big matter n tt it'll end up in a fite.yup2 he tinks too far.bt then again, mite come true la.if not nw, nxt yr.cos bulan puasa gado2 tk baik.klah gtg.gotta ask SnS abt diz.

screwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww life.~~i need my dolls.~~

2004-10-11T14:20:00.002+08:00

BuRiEd MySeLf AlIvE

you almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines you almost made me cry again this time another false alarm red flashing lights well this time I'm not going to watch myself die I think I made it a game to play your game and let myself cry I buried myself alive on the inside so I could shut you out and let you go away for a long time I guess it's ok I puked the day away I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way and if you want me back you're gonna have to ask nicer than that I think the chain broke away and I felt it the day that I had my own time I took advantage of myself and felt fine but it was worth the night I caught an early flight and I made it home with my foot on your neck I finally have you right where I want you

2004-10-11T14:20:00.001+08:00

2004-10-11T13:46:00.000+08:00

cup is not half empty as pessimists say
as far as he's sees nothings left in the cup
a whole cup full of nothing for him to induldge
since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up
a singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
he gave heed to nothing, and all that he was....
is just a tragedy
so he voyages in circles
succeeds getting nowhere
and submits to the substance
that first got him there
then in violent, frustration he cries out to God or just no one
is there a point to this madness and all that he was....
is just a tragedy
he feels alone
his heart in his hand
he's alone
he feels alone
I feel....
then on that last day he breaks
and he stood tall and he yelled... and he takes his life

=+PoeTic TraGedy+=

2004-10-11T13:03:00.000+08:00

fine. give up on me if u want to. go ahead.not like u evr had faith in me. u only noe half of wats happening to me. (did u noe abt dolls? NOPE.) So u n him can jz go ahead. im sure Qxxxx can do u proud. i mean look! she cant b bothered to go to sch alrdy. at such an age. u twist ur words when u tel others abt me. n as for him, DENIES all tt he said. klah haf fun.I HOPE U FAIL UR TEST THIS EVENING, xxx. u sure u wanna bring shame to me? i think its gonna bring shame to YOU n him.not me.y shld i be fazed by what they think if i dun make it?its not like their children r smart.they shld shut their trap.i dun care.like u said, y shld i care abt wat othr ppl tink? im not here to please the crowd. i only care what ***** n ***** think.not u.not him.screw ****** too.tho its not his fault..haiz

ahh fuck.screw life n evrytg else

god, pls pls pls dun give up on me.ur the only one who stil believes in me..ryt? *cries*

2004-10-08T22:52:00.000+08:00

oi! im back! bwahahah. wahhhhh. what a week of exams. bleargh. screw the teachers n papers. physics secA was ok.the rest were rubbish. so was amaths n bio.so much for studying bio.screw the school. fatT's finished his N's. urgh!! im so jealous. he's goin back to kL tmrw. geeeez. GET ME MY PERFUME AIGHT. will miss him loadz. though only fer 2 dayz. unless his mum goes crazy n makes him stay permanently. *hope not* haish. ok.im goin ta slp.shall update sooner or later.farewell

2004-10-05T22:04:00.000+08:00

YESTERDAY. it all began..the beginning of the end:

EXAMS *aaaahhhh!!*

yeah..was eng p2 and ss..eng sucked man.talk about a WIDE range of vocab.wtf man.who gives compos abt russian rulers like catherine or ivan the 'terrible'? geez~ ss was do-able la..well sort of.thank god i didnt study diplomacy, and i didnt revise sri lanka n merger too much.the source was abt newater.not bad.today was rubbish.hw can my sch make me memorize facts on agriculture together with trigo formulas? elec geog and amaths DO NOT go tgtr. geog was ok..i had a time with the weird map of zimbabwe.haha.bt amaths was of course..hard.bt hey, i cld do at least 4qns k.that was an achievement. i jz hate myself for not skipping qn 10 earlier cos if not i'd haf enuff time to do qn 11!! argh~ nw i lost marks for BOTH qns.dammnit. ohhhh. i had a weird dream abt billy..yeah. BILLY. of all guys. he actually cried in class..yup2. cos him mum came to sch n showed a video of him..abt his life..and sumhw we're accused of bullying him. yeah i noe.RUBBISH. and all tt.dono lahhh.it must be the exam fever..

mum says im not firm enuff wif my sister.she treats me "like dirt under her feet" as mum says. i shld learn to slap her and beat her by disciplining her..WOW.

well im off to the world of cells n tissues..

2004-10-04T20:14:00.000+08:00

2004-10-04T20:13:00.001+08:00

2004-10-04T20:13:00.000+08:00

2004-10-04T20:07:00.000+08:00

the day finally came. the beginning of the end...

EXAMS. *screams*

yup2. blieve it or not. i woke up at 4 jz to study industrialisation for ss. n it paid off. eng was rubbish. who the hell knew who catherine or ivan the terrible was?! n after exams i had a great time with hana n nisah, gossiping tuitn tchrs, etc while attempting amaths..bt in vain. *sobs in misery with hana* think nisah got tired of us.heh. sorry nisah.ur a smartypanties man.then aft tt we joined azhar, chio huey n messa. of course, we didnt study. hahah. had a great luff. i so enjoyed playing PLAY52 with azhar.or watever the game was called. PURE RUBBISH i tell u. haha. oh well. im off to drown myself with numbers n formulas..off to the world of AMaths..n aft that back to farming with geog..what a nice exam combo.sheesh!

sorry liena..

2004-10-01T17:40:00.000+08:00

oh no..today's the last day of the self-study shit..n i havent done much: maths p1, 1bio quiz, 1ml quiz, 1page of maths p2, abt10 qns frm phy n chem sectA. and erm..yup.tts abt it.omg.

and to Liena, i read ur blog..abt me not telling u abt mamat, i swear i forgot all abt it nw, bt i seriously didnt think it'd b a big deal to u tt time n i was scared tt u'd tink i liked him cos i didnt n if u wldnt talk to me tt time, who else cld i grl-talk wif abt azhar bsides mamat if aft tt u wldn't trust me? n as far as i cld recall, he didnt inform me abt a gf until recently b4 i met u online by accident..itupun it was me who asked him if he had a gf.tt's y i was so shocked when he told me he had one..cos all along..aft korang da tgtr 4 quite sumtym, he nvr did tell me.i did sms him, usually abt azhar..cos like u noe, i was crazy abt him last time ryt? n if im nt wrong the movie was more of a joke cos i think i was the one who asked him to blanja me cos he was working..then i guess he said sth abt treat me movie.bt like i said in my entry i nvr did go out with him.nt tt i wanted to.tt time it was azhar i wanted.not mamat.lagi2 aft i found out he was with u.i felt so bad for msging him thruout when he had a gf.i dont know if u'd wanna believe tt last sentence bt maybe mamat wld remember cos i said sth abt not wanting to msg somebody's bf.im really sorry if ur mad at me for not telling you that thingy.really sorry k..i wanted to sms u bt i lost ur number when i lost my hp.sms me or tag once u c diz aite? cos i really hope u'll read diz n we cn get things cleared up.sorry liena

ok.i jz haf to wait for her to reply me nw.haiz..ok.back to social studies and the world of sri lanka.ta-ta

2004-09-30T10:49:00.000+08:00

oh gawd.so much for "self-studying".. i knew it wouldn't work!! and exams are nx monday!! *elyn panics n freaks out but does nothing* haish. and to top it all off i juz wasted abt 400 on a new fone and paying my mum back..bleargh to the world.da smangat2 wanna study the whole day yest, mum dragged me to TM to get my simcard and then when i was all ready to go hm n be alone n study, dad came and dragged me to bedok to get my hp.wtf. i could've lived without a hp for yest yknow.nw im distracted n i keep staring at my new useless piece of shit fone. faTt, sorry i cldn't meet u yest.dun blame me.BLAME MY DAD.haha.i almst died of coughing yest nite.haiz.n nw im fasting again.maklumlah, nisfu sya'ban.heheh.i'll die of dehydration by the end of the day.da lah tekak mcm nak koyak..haiz..kk.i wanna strt studying nw.shld i try coffee?the smell is alrdy a turn-off fer me..does anyone else know what other help-me-stay-up food or drinks i can get? apart frm coffee.. =S

2004-09-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

wow.so much for going to sch yest.so much for wanting to pop in durin recess time.so much for not wantg to miss physics class.yeah rite.BULLSHIT.

haiz..ape nak jadi..exams r like 5days away..and here i am, missin sch, bloggin on the com.AND LOSING MY MUMS HP.

yup..it slipped out of my pocket when i was in 912 on the way hm..jz nw..when i called, the a-hole, whoevr tt took it, had alrdy off'd my hp.muhfucker.nvm.shall not condemn him/her too mch.cos god wil do his job.n myb this is a lesson to be learnt fer me.nwae i tink i'll probably kebas a hp if i happen to find one.. =p bt cmon la..2100!??! who the fuck wants a 2100 man..so outdated.no color.no cam.haiz..nwae right nw the problem is that,

my mum wants those buckaroos by tmrw.those 160+ bux.n im not allowed to borrow frm my parents, or use my savings.n i cant work nw.i got exams.major ones.i dun wana repeat sec3..n aft tt stil nd to get new simkard, pay my last mth's bill which is comin, buy a new phone..n its gonna add up to $350 or more.wow.anyone kind enuf to gimme tht cash? NO. wanna ask my granddaddy..but..erm...i feel so bad.i noe he'll gimme that in no time.i probably dun hafta pay him bck..bt no way..i owe him so much alrdy.aft wat he's done fer me..so nope, hes outta the qn.then WHO?!?! haiz...wtf.

n so much for going to emaths tuition.haha.haiz..elyn elyn..pe nak jadi..

2004-09-25T16:42:00.000+08:00

wow..been ages since i updated.gues ive been bz.with sch n all.exams r in a week's time! well 9days to be exact.been having physics lessons almost everyday after sch.im goin crazy. =S oh well..
MONDAY
on mon i had my eng p1. yup2, it was TOUGH. i cant blieve my speech was longer than my essay itself. and i started my stupid speech with the temasek cheer..geeeez. talk abt cheesy. then aft tht stupid paper, i went out with my buddies.. we had a blast: azhar, wiwi, shikz, syidz, fatZ, shahidah, messa, hana n me.. haha. first at LJ's.we played the oh-so-dumb fuzzy wuzzy game.me n syidz were the first to figure it out.haha! then aft tt hana told us diz hilarious story abt this night club n the ppl of 'sap tetek'. n we went bapok-spotting. =P oh well. HE had a nicer body figure than me. aft tt all of us went jln2 (without fatZ cos she went hm) and we took the pics. lucky me, i got sap tetek besar. =P shikin didnt even get to sap tetek. azhar got the small one.wiwi too. heheheh. dun get what i mean? i'll post the pics asap when ive got em scanned. SAP TETEK FOREVER!! hehehe

Thursday: 23.09.2004
wheeeee!!!!! 23rd!! another beautiful month gone by. lovin him more n more each day.. =) yeah, things weren't too gd earlier tt week, bt im soooo glad they got better.. if YOU're readin diz: im sorry for the shit tt's happened to us k? so glad we worked things out.. =) tt msg MEANT A LOT TO ME. i luv u too! *hugsnkisses*

Friday: 24.09.2004
another great day with him.. he gave me a lil gift. yayy!! i dun care hw much or hw little it costs..he made the effort to at least get me sumthin. tts sweet. then sent me hm. had a GREAT time. [*winkz*]

n that was it. btw im gettin a maid!!! yeeeehaaa!!! no more scrubbin toilets, wipin stoves, vaccuming or cleaning the rabbit's cage for me! n no more babbling frm mum anymore..cos she cant call me 'pemalas' for not doin enuff hsework!! n guess her name!! SUEYNI. cool huh? SUEY.haha. bt it kinda reminds me of peini. sounds alike i guess. sorry peini!! nwae mum will need to study more..after all she's getting a DIPLOMA! haha. tts right. MY MUM'S GETTING A DIPLOMA. in physiology or sumthin like dat la. haiz. y is everyone so determined and focused to study. i think god's giving me signs..trying to 'motivate or inspire' me. i look at fattah, my mum, my friends..EVERYONE IS STUDYING HARD. why cant i do the same? cos i cant be bothered. thats y.its not bcos i cant, its cos i dun want to.haiz.wat the hell..im such a disappointment. oh well.goodbye.

2004-09-19T13:21:00.000+08:00

it's called malay.but it felt like i was doin the a levels or sth.talk about HARD.geez. i wrote a lot of dramatical crap for my compo.crushed my peribahasa...n i dont know what the hell theyre talkin abt in the cloze passage.n the tukya nenek besah compre shit.wtf.well to hell with that.its over.had a great destressing time with shikz, asri, fatZ, farha n shahidz aft the exam.at that measly kfc.i nvr knew kfc was so kedekut.the ultimate chicken meal looked so huge n delicious on the ad.bt when shikz n i bought it, we got a miserable burger, a popcorn chicken box wich contained jz SIX popcorn chickens..and a drumstick that gave me the imperssion that my chicken was either anorexic or died a tragic death.gawd.colonel sanders shld go n retire n be the next santa claus man.i met fatT aft tt.n that was hw my day went.bleargh.was home alone till like 11+. stil havent start studying.oh god.y cant i be like him.academically he may not be the smartest person i know, bt his determination to study n work hard jz leaves me in awe.i envy his determination.screw me.he's doin graphs frm 2-5am n fasting.n im bloggin at 1 in the aftnn.sheesh.